Secret 17…I keep a grudge book
Posted under 30 Secrets in 30 Days, People I love
Be afraid...be very afrad
Mwah ha ha. I don’t keep an ‘actual’ grudge book, because that would be crazy, right? But, I fess up, I do have a bit of a mental grudge book where I keep a rolling list of those unlucky souls who have slighted me in some way over the years. Because that’s not crazy, right?
First up, my mother. I know, you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead and all that, especially when it’s someone you adored but..you know…she boobed. She hurt me! I was 15, she told me she was pleased I’d grown my hair from a short, elfin cut cut to a bob because, and I quote “You have such a thick neck”. WHAT?!!! Aren’t mothers supposed to be those kindly, forgiving, you can do anything and I will support you as long as you’re happy kind of people? Apparently not. Not least because I have subsequently spent most of my adult life with a short, elfin chop..and thus displaying my ‘thick neck’ apparently. So, number one grudge …. my mother. You sleeping well up there in heaven Mum? Giggle.
Number two….best friend from childhood who told me I had, ‘Evil, thin, mean lips’. WHAAAAAAAT?!!! To this day, 30 years later, I still look at my lips and assess them for evil, thin, mean qualities. ‘Possibly’ I had told her she had ‘big, fat, rubber lips’ which provoked this assault. I can’t be sure, it was a long time ago.
Number three..MrSpud, natch. In response to me being a sobbing wreck after my mother died, telling him the worst bit for me was that I couldn’t believe I was never going to see her again, he responded…”Well…you know…you’re not”. Waaaaah! Well thanks for that, way to go empathy. Giggle.
I could bore you all night. Just know that if you’ve slighted me, insulted me, put me down, ignored me or tried to get the better of me….you’re in the book. But don’t be afraid, don’t lose any sleep at night, just don’t do it again…right?
Nobody puts Spud in the corner.
MWAH HA HA!!!!
I absolutely love this post! how hilarious… I will try not to slight you- I am in enough books already, none of them good I am sure
i have a book like that too..but, i can never remember where i put it.
i can totally see the thin evil lips…but would be more concerned about that bitch nose…
sorry. it’s blog camp. these people are so nice in person i can’t get my evil tendencies out.
but i would still lick your cheek, dahling.
xox,
/j
MM, wet cheek from Julie licking me…will Todd be jealous though? Tee hee, 5 searching questions coming your way tomorrow…
I’m a big fan of the short elfin chop. And, as far as I can tell, there’s no thick neck in sight.
Why can’t I write like this? If I were to write out my gripes, I would come across as a whiny girl on a big pity party. You’re just hilarious. Mom was right, life isn’t fair.
Big fat rubber lips!!! HAHAHAHA….You’re killing me
(btw, is there a way to make my gravator show on your site? hmmmm….)
I think Mother’s deserve their own grudge book…a special Mommy Edition. Thick neck, indeed!
My mother commented on my lovely new paisley pants by noting that “They say women with big hips shouldn’t wear prints, but on you they seem to work.”
your elfin chop is lovely; more importantly, your writing is brilliant, than you!
lol! love this post. i totally have a mental grudge book too. like when i’d known my now husband then boyfriend for a year, and one night, after i’d spent 45 minutes getting dressed for a night out with him and my brother, looks at me as i enter the room and says “wow”, which could have been good if it wasn’t followed by “we really gained a lot of weight this winter”. seriously. that was what he said. my brother is still laughing.
[...] have no issue at all with that. But if you take my stuff without asking? Well, you’re in the Grudge Book for [...]
When I was in the second grade I dressed myself in a very mismatched ensemble and thought I was beautiful. I asked my mother how I looked and she said “Fine. If you’re going to a blind school.” AND she still brings that story up EVERY christmas!
Aren’t mothers lovely? ;)
My husband would say just exactly that same kind of true/honest/pragmatic but UTTERLY LACKING IN EMPATHY comment.
I’m sort of cringing, hoping that I’ve never said anything to my daughters that will cause them to curse me (and be very insecure) later in life. One of them has wide troll feet (just like her father; but thankfully not hairy) . . . I hope that I haven’t mentioned that to her.
[...] As a child I would tantrum and howl so badly if I didn’t win a party game that I was frequently sent to my room during my own birthday parties. Eventually my mother gave in and would have a prize for the real winner, and another for me to shut me up. I could go on…but I’m not sure my pride can take it. I have put myself in the Grudge Book. [...]
[...] tedium, whilst trapped between a couple of Nanas who slept soundly throughout. Straight in to the Grudge Book for MrSpud for that little jaunt – he has a whole page to himself you know… var [...]
You are hilarious! Thanks for making me smile and sometimes giggle out loud when I seem to need it most! I keep watching each day for a new secret…
[...] young and pretty’. Hmmm, because my frizz bomb hair makes me….? I considered a Grudge Book entry but the cakes were in her favour. And besides I agree that I look younger in swishy, I guess [...]
[...] Meanwhile, in the playroom, Diggy was following his brother’s lead and was also settling down for a nap. He was probably exhausted having drawn all over his face with a red pen. In fact he’d also drawn all over the piano too. Later, I drew all over my Grudge Book… [...]
Ah, mothers say the darndest things…
After travelling around for a year and a half I returned home to see my family. Upon my arrival, the first thing my mother said to me was “wow, I guess you gained a bit of weight huh?”
Yeah. Thanks.
Don’t expect grandkids anytime soon.
[...] Book so early in my blogging career was somewhat ill advised. If I promise not to put you in the Grudge Book, won’t you delurk and introduce yourself? Pretty please? Don’t make me [...]
Oooh, a girl after my own heart LOL I too have a “mental” grudge book ~ so glad I’m not the only one!
[...] my happiness is complete! Turns out my Grudge Book (TM, patent pending) concept has gone forth and spawned an evil twin: the Shit List pad, made by [...]
[...] for a while…from Secret 17 of my 30 secrets in 30 days project from last year …”I keep a Grudge Book“. I still do. Just in case anyone was [...]