Secret 18…I have no sea legs whatsoever

Jun

2009

Secret 18…I have no sea legs whatsoever

I confess, I cheated again. MrSpud took this as I wasn’t in the mood for all the faffing with the tripod etc. So I set it up, painted my face bright green and woke him up from a sofa snooze to photograph me. It took him about 20 seconds to even notice anything was different about my face. WTF?!

On with the secret. In short, pretty much every time I go near water I vomit. I have been sick on ferries (once before it had even left PORT), yachts, sail boats, motor boats…you name it, I’ve ruined it with sick. A faint whiff of Dettol must follow me wherever i go.I’ve been sick at sea, on rivers, estuaries, reservoirs, boating lakes and, most famously, on a canal. Yes, you read that right, I have been sick on a canal boat.

Which makes it all the more puzzling that I own a boat. Neither MrSpud nor I can sail, and I have no intention of ever learning after depositing my lunch on a crowded beach (to rapturous applause) after my first, and last, sailing lesson as a teenager. We’ve never even seen the boat, I couldn’t even tell you much about her other than the fact that she’s called Frances and has red sails. I ‘think’ I’ve seen her bobbing around on the estuary from the safety of quay, but I can’t be sure as I daren’t look for too long in case I’m sick. I should just ask the blokes at the boatyard but I can’t bear the thought of those old sea dogs sneering at me like the the fancy London Land Lubber that I am…”Excuse me, my good fellow, could you tell me which one is my boat?”. Blushes.

We bought the boat with a friend last year. He can’t sail either. What were we thinking?! I suspect MrSpud and his pal got carried away on some kind of Swallows & Amazons nautical whimsey whereas I had a rare attack of the smarts and made what I am sure is a very sound investment decision i.e it passes the ‘what’s in it for me?’ test with muster.

Here’s the plan…when the boys are old enough I will pack them off to sailing school and then they can have the boat and spend weekends pootling up and down the estuary while I retire to the sofa. Joined..up..thinking,

I’ll just have to hope they haven’t inherited my wibbly wobbly sea legs. If so, no matter, they can take a bucket.

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Filed under: 30 Secrets in 30 Days

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Ali

LMBFAO!!!!!!!! you are a nut and the nuttiest thing of all is that I imagine Mr McSpud just got up and took the picture and didn't even ask questions!!!!! nuttiest thing # 2 is that there are five kinda normal comments before Julochka brings up the picture!!!!! Sometimes there just aren't words!!!!!
Amber

I can't believe it took him a moment to notice the green. Haha, men! Seriously fun shot Spud!
Jeannette

Just reading this makes me seasick!
I´m so with you on not setting one foot on anything that lies in the water.
Years ago I had to travel from Malta to Sicily on a ferry in a storm. I was so seasick that I actually begged my (ex)husband to knock me unconscious. The weasel didn´t have the guts to do it! ;) I kissed the ground the moment we reached the shore.
spudballoo

Eliane, thanks for the ginger tip. I will try that! Transderm Scop, is that a US thing? I will google.

No worries re Michael Palin and his trips. i will stay at home and pine for him, he will go a-travelling and pine for me. Then we will be reunited and love will blossom anew.
julochka

that is really a brilliant picture. we looked at it last night too and passed the laptop around the tequila-soaked party. everyone adored you. so you simply must come to blog camp II--but i'd advise you fly. :-)
rxBambi

I have no sea legs either, but I was smart (or was I dumb?) to poo-poo the whole boat idea. We love cruising though, the big ships dont seem to bother me. We just know not to take any excursions that require small boat trips.
I always use the Transderm Scop -- a little patch that goes behind the ear. Works wonders...
Relyn

As usual, you have me laughing like a loon. But, not so hard that I didn't notice your nails. I love them. Short and a perfect color. I am a water girl. Completely. We don't have a boat. Go figure.
charlane

oh no...I would hate it if I couldn't be on the water.
Eliane

you could try a ginger remedy it helps even after the terrible nausea after surgery and general anaesthesia... so you could join your boys on their adventures... anyway - you look nice as I love everything green! cheers from ultra-sunny Southwest Ireland Eliane
iasa

aw you poor thing now you won't be able to to sail around the world with Michael Palin. I think Frances is an excellent name for a boat, although I'm not quite sure why.

Chez Spud