Secret 27..I am a total faker
Posted under 30 Secrets in 30 Days
Faking it
Nooooo, not like ‘that’. I couldn’t think of a title which encapsulates this secret, but faking is a significant part of it. And so the title stands. It’s a cheap shot for attention, I admit it, so shoot me…
Once upon a time in 2002, I went to Australia on business. I was working for an international law firm, as head of media relations, and started off in Perth for a conference with a group of partners. The Sydney office had asked me to ‘pop’ over to media train their lawyers after the conference so, along with around a dozen partners, I made my way to the airport once the conference was done.
I was booked to fly business class, but for some reason I was feeling awkward about it – as if the partners were wondering why a mere ‘staff’ member was in business, and I’d rehearsed a firm but not defensive position should I be challenged. So imagine my horror when I boarded to plane and found that I’d been upgraded to FIRST CLASS. Arrrgh. So now the partners, the owners of the business and the people who paid my salary, were roughing it in business class and I was larging it up in first.
I begged the cabin crew to put me back in to business (must have been a first surely), but it was too complicated and I had no option but to sink in to my oh-so-luxurious white leather seat and scowl at my ‘designated’ flight attendant who was kneeling in front of me with a glass of champagne and a selection of canapes on a silver tray.
Quickly I formulated a plan. Clearly the partners could NEVER know of my swankiness so, once we got to Sydney, I would wait on the plane until both first and business class passengers had disembarked and then I would shuffle off with the plebs in economy, who no doubt had spent the flight throwing buns at each other and such like and thus the partners would assume I’d been in the back all along. Genius.
Once ‘the plan’ was sorted, I settled back in to my seat and congratulated myself on my good fortune and cunning. I selected my movie choices (only ones I’d seen before, obviously), picked up a couple of trashy magazines and started making selections from the extensive wine list.
Until, from behind me, I heard a very familiar and rather surprised sounding voice saying ‘Hello Spud’. ARGGHHH, nightmare…it was my boss, the chairman of the firm. And she was looking a little startled to find her pooper scooper loafing around in first class. Crap, ‘the plan’ was stuffed. She took her seat directly in front of me and, cursing, I stashed the wine list and got out my laptop since, clearly, I needed to demonstrate my commitment to the firm and my role by working for the whole FIVE hours it took to ‘pop’ to Sydney.
She turned around and saw my laptop, nodded approvingly and then got her laptop out and started working, so I started to draft some document or other. About 20 minutes later my battery died. And for some, bizarre reason instead of putting my laptop away and doing some reading … I just carried on doing fake typing on my dead laptop. Every time she turned round or got up, I ‘typed’ faster and more audibly. What the HELL was I doing? Whatever it was, I was faking it big time. And I did it all the way from Perth to Sydney.
And the sting in the tale? I arrived at the Sydney office the next morning, exhausted from all that ‘typing’ ready for the media training session that the partners had begged me run for them. Not one person turned up, not ONE. I had literally flown to the other side of the world for absolutley no reason. They had set up a video link for the Melbourne office so they could join the session. And the link? Showed a big room full of empty chairs. Those aussies have got a whole Grudge Book to themselves…and, believe me, I’m not faking it this time.
Nooooo! Dang, really? This is a good one, I must admit.
You are so cute in this photo! ; )
xo
Oh Spud, I wish she’d turned round and asked to see what it was you were working on…. that is the kind of thing Mr McG does and it makes me cringe!!!! and to have no audience.. that’s just rude people… they were all down the pub drinking XXXX. damn aussies.
Five hours of air typing! Wow…that´s what I call dedication, or was it pure fear?
Did you at least have some wine?
And those grudge books…how many are there? Do they already have a bookcase just for themselves. ;)
And might I ever need some media training…you´re the one I will run to.
You poor thing! I’m overwhelmed at the thought of you fake typing . . . and not getting to enjoy your first-class perks . . . and being rather pointless in the end.
Good grist for your mill, though. What a funny (albeit slightly tragic) story!
Oh no! Were you random typing or typing real sentences (like grudge book entries)? Such a bummer to not be able to enjoy the flight but seriously that was some pretty good dedication to the firm even if it wasn’t working on a real document. I don’t think I’d have lasted more than 20 minutes before I got too bored and gave up. Hee hee!
“I just carried on doing fake typing on my dead laptop” may be the funniest line I’ve read in ages. I burst out laughing and my family all stopped and looked at me. It’s…this…woman…spud… but I couldn’t get anymore than that out for the laughter. You are the best medicine, ever.
funnyyyyyy… thanks for making us laugh… very entertaining… I once faked a phone conversation.. just so I don’t talk to someone who was approaching ;0
Omg no-one??!
oh, you gotta love first class though. Only managed that free upgrade thing once in my life, but the feeling still lingers and I am always just a little bit hopeful at check-in that it might happen again. It has, in fact, ruined flying long-haul in pleb class forever, because I know what I am missing.
I sometimes fake the tan… just that tinted moisturiser stuff (not the orange hue) so that I am not quite so pale and interesting.
fake typing on a dead laptop, that’s RRRRRReal commitment! and probably way more stressful than true typing. I love your pic with your MAC!
i’ve only been upgraded to first on one occasion…on a measly flt. from bangkok to phuket. my consultant and i (he got upgraded too) tried to stage an environmental protest when we left the plane…refusing to leave the environment…but alas, those pretty girls in their rustling silks handed us our orchids and pushed us out the door. i’m still a little sad about that…
Oh no! You had to miss your first class experience to fake type! Still, it makes for a funny story! I hope you got a promotion after that!
I can’t believe you faked it for 5 hours straight! You are dedicated. lol. This story has me in stitches!
Well. This one might be the fib. Not sure. Still pondering it.
[...] from the pictures, I had to click through to the description. How could I already have forgetten Secret 27…I am a total faker? Or Secret 3…every day I go in to battle with my inner domestic [...]
ha ha us Aussies are a little too laid back at times, faking it in 1st class gotta love that, your boss probably would have loved a gal pal to have a few wines with and talk crap all the way to Sydney