A time to reflect
Posted under People I love, Witterings
It’s birthday season Chez Spud as Bertie turns 4 in a couple of weeks…which means all the friends we met through ‘baby class’ have children turning 4 too. We’re so fortunate to still be close friends with our baby group but the downside is that late August/early September is sugar rush a go-go. We went to a party today, we have another tomorow…another on Thursday, yet another next weekend and then Bertie’s the weekend after. Last year I was pretty much ‘done’ with parties by the time we got to Bertie’s…I’m hoping to muster more enthusiasm this year since he is already in a state of high excitement.
But this time of year, these few weeks that lead up to his birthday, are a strange time for me. I can’t remember very much about being pregnant with Bertie, other than being tired and grumpy the whole time. But the last few weeks before he finally rocked up, two weeks late, are burnt in to my brain and I have very vivid memories which can easily be ‘played’ for a trip down memory lane…that lunch I had with the baby group friends where F felt odd and had a baby a few hours later, how S stood me up for lunch and called later in a tizz of apology because she’d been having a baby…the dinners we had (and actually finished our sentences, not realising it would be YEARS before we’d get to do that again when together)…the nap I had on the day I finally went in to labour, interrupted by the postman delivering soap dispensers for the bathroom which didn’t make it out of the box for months and months…all these and more spin round in my mind.
I think I cling on to these memories as they mark the watershed of ‘before’ and ‘after’ children. And, in all honesty, I sometimes have a wistfulness for the ‘old days’. Not that I regret or resent the Megaboys at all…but I have pangs for my old life every now and again. I’m sure I’m not alone, surely there isn’t a parent anywhere who doesn’t wish that they could occasionally step off the parenting carousel and take a breather. I don’t just mean time away from your children, but time when you actually don’t have children, the responsibility of them, the constant low grade anxiety and all that jazz. I’d just love a weekend of my old life every once in a while.
But, then, what did I do at weekends when I didn’t have children? I really can’t remember…sleep, go out for meals, shop, see people, read, work? Basically there was a lot of lounging around, not having a plan and just ‘being’. You never ‘be’ as a parent…we’re always out and about, visiting places and people and doing ‘stuff’. “What are we going to do today?” is pretty much the first question Bertie asks me every day and “erm, staying home and hanging out?” isn’t an option.
So these late August/early September will, I’m quite sure, always be a quiet time of reflection for me, a time to remember those last days of Before Children life…the days that heralded the coming of the rest of my life which started the second the midwife handed me my precious boy, who frowned at me and looked so puzzled by it all…you and me both, babe, you and me both xx
I think we all yearn for life at a previous time, with or without children!!!
Can totally relate…don’t worry when they get older and start to have sleep overs you can snatch a little of the “BC” times. Ash stayed at a friends last night and even with just one here it’s totally different….hang in there kid… your time will come.
Oh boy I totally hear you!
And ja, I think (hope) it’s totally normal to think like this. As you say, it’s not just yearning for some time out – cos we can find some of that – it’s time without even being conscious of having them that seems so precious. I guess when we really only thought about ourselves. What luxury!
Frieda was 3 weeks early and I still sometimes, on rough days, feel a teeny-weeny bit resentful of those last stolen days of pre-kiddie freedom…
But it doesn’t detract from our loving them one bit and I think it’s healthy! I can’t bear mothers who say they live only for their children – there’s something wrong there …
Hope you survive the sugerfest/s!
what a captivating photo!
I surely can relate to this post.
I definitely miss my before-kids time and am not ashamed at all. I tend to be super-structured so the fact that you always have to organize stuff with kids doesn’t bother me so much but every now and then I miss the lounging and being able to do things spontaneously (I think that’s called freedom, in fact :)
enjoy the ride–time flies–I am the ‘auntie’ who would take the nephews and nieces away so mommy could get a break—those kiddies are now getting ready to go to or are in college! Hard to believe since I am still the same age;-)
What a fabulous post. Yes, once you have a child life is never, will never, be the same. Even now that mine are mostly grown, I’ve got a toddler grandson in the picture.
Test[img]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2538/3871142891_fc0f38ee9e.jpg[/img]
oh no no no my dear gal … staying home is indeed an option. I believe it is an incredibly important lesson that many kids are not being taught these days. How to be. How to be at peace with out being shuttled about. How to entertain themselves and how to occupy their own time. We do stay home, way more then we go out. There for going out becomes a treat.
Just my opinion… just sayin’ :)
Oh gosh — I can’t tell you how powerfully I relate to this post! First of all, we have a “playgroup” too made up of 3 other moms who were in childbirth classes together. I/we are actually the odd ones who weren’t in the class (I/we met and joined them later), but they have the same memories about going through pregnancy and childbirth at the same time. And now we all have the same birthday extravaganza month that you describe.
And I absolutely understand the desire to get an “old” weekend back. I think about it all the time. Although the funny thing is that a few weeks ago, our son spent the night at my mother’s and I missed him so much! This parenthood thing is ridiculous.
Totally agree – its not about not having them that you miss, its about not having all the associated stuff and worry that would be nice to hand over for a day or two …
Hope you survive the sugar high party season
Oh yes I complety agree! I had my son when I was so young sometimes I wish I had just had a few more years to experience that just me time.
Yes, I remember when June was a blur of birthdays. And I, too, remember that last walk to the grocery store, that last afternoon of reading A Suitable Boy, that last night of uninterrupted sleep.
But we are already to the stage where you look back and see your children’s childhood as a fast-moving blur. Having said that, Simon and I just had two weeks without the kids — and I’m not going to lie; it was WONDERFUL.
All my fears about having kids summarised in one eloquent post! I fear the loss of my BC days far too much at the moment.
Sloane wasn’t very old when I realized that I would never be truly alone again – even inside my head. She is with me always. What I think about world events, what plans I make, the priorities I live by – all are effected by how they will effect Sloane. It is the single responsibility that never ends. The realization was a little disconcerting, let me tell you.
So, I think I know just what you mean. It’s not that we would wish away our children. Not even for one blessed, still, quiet minute. It’s just that we have become a totally new person and feel affection for who we were. It reminds me of the feeling you got on the morning you turned 13. TEENAGER! Only this change is much more real.