Chez Spud

Firstly, thank you to all of you for your kind comments, prayers and emails over the last few days. I’m so sorry, I’ve been hopeless and not responded to any of them but I have read all of them and your thoughts mean a lot to me. Got to love the Blogging Tribe xxx

So, Leaf Fall Season starts on Monday … did you know? This was news to me, I’ve never heard of it before. Probably because I’ve not been a regular user of trains for many years. For the uninitiated Leaf Fall Season in the UK is when the train time table shifts for 3 months, with many trains departing 5 minutes early because the trains can’t go as fast when there are lots of leaves on the track.

Back in the early 1990s British Rail was pilloried in the media for its inability to run trains on time due to ‘leaves on the track’ or the ‘wrong sort of snow of the track’. Naturally, being a nationalised industry, BR couldn’t have cared less, did nothing, shrugged its dandruff ridden shoulders and just ran the trains late anyway. But then the railway was privatised and the train operating companies had no option but to care because it hurts them where it hurts the most (their pocket) if they run late trains. So they invented ‘leaf fall season’, which is possibly one of the most twee expressions I have ever heard.

So now the operating companies have wised up to those pesky leaves and their falling propensities, and they adjust the timetable each year to allow their trains to run slower but still arrive at their destination ‘on time’ according to the original timetable…which means they don’t incur financial penalties for late running trains. GENIUS!! So, let’s get everyone out of bed earlier and get the train going earlier so we can get to where we want to go by the time we wanted to in the first place and not get fined in the process. Still with me?

Being the utter nerdy geek that I am (I blame MrSpud…his geek ‘spores’ are slowly infiltrated my being…and don’t think I haven’t spotted your secret statsh of railway ‘porn’ because I have…I”m on to you MrSpud!) I decided to find out WHY the trains need to go slower because of the leaves. Because, yes, those 5 more minutes in bed are that important to me. It turns out that the reason is [takes a moment to sneer] modern technology and [double sneers] progress. [Shakes head at the unfathomable complexities of modern living].

In simple terms, the nice new(ish) rolling stock used by the operating companies are lovely for us passengers because we don’t get thrown about the way we used to. However, they have disc brakes which don’t clean the crap off the tracks unlike their clasp brake predecessors. And crap on the tracks, like leaf mulch, leads to trains sliding not rolling and something ominously called ‘wheel flats’ which takes a train out of action until the wheel has been unflatted. Or something.

So it turns out that it’s not the leaves that are the issue, it’s the brakes. I’m considering a campaign to revert to the Days of Yore in train brake terms, and the immediate abolition of the term ‘leaf fall season’ and, most of all, I want my extra 5 minutes in bed back. Anyone with me?

Chant along with me…”What do we want? CLASP BRAKES! When do we want them? NOW”…repeat until the Daily Mail backs my campaign. Thank you.

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