Nov
15
2009
Five
Unlocks Chez Spud, checks all is well, nothing has been taken, all Secrets safe and sound…? Good, well then let’s continue…
Chez Spud is open for business again. Thank you to everyone who emailed and/or commented, you’re all so thoughtful and it meant such a lot to me. My father-in-law’s funeral is over now and it was wonderful and awful in equal measure. It was a true reflection of the man he was, and how well he was loved by family, friends and colleagues. But now the awful business of grieving will truly swing in to action, and there are dark days ahead for sure. I hadn’t prepared myself for Bertie (4) being so desperately upset, sobbing in fact, in the funeral. I knew he’d ask questions, and be curious but the inconsolable tears were a shock to me. Its the first time, as a parent, that I’ve been able to do nothing to alleviate his pain and suffering and it was like a slap around the face. “I didn’t want him to die, I want him to be alive again” he howled. What to say, other than, “I do too, and I wish I could make it happen but I can’t”.
Just to throw an additional spanner in the works Bertie has been very ill for the last few days, starting on the day of the funeral…so we’ve juggled a very poorly child, a very bouncy happy child, a long journey, 2 absolutely dreadful, sleepness nights (one in a hotel), the funeral and vomiting. Lovely.
Would someone please, please, PLEASE give us a fecking break now? Thanks.
So, FIVE! As well as the funeral on Friday (plus assorted ill/bouncy children) it was me and MrSpud’s 5th wedding anniversary. What better way to celebrate one’s anniversary than burying one’s father-in-law….cry, cry, cry. It’s wasn’t the day for joy, but I did take a moment to take stock, give thanks and marvel at how five short years can meld two families in to one, and produce the next generation, in what feels like the blink of an eye.
Pictured above: MrSpud lying on the bed in the hotel after his father’s funeral reading to our boys, hoping we might get some sleep (wrong!). And no doubt mindful of the years his lovely Dad read to him as he went to bed and, like all of us, wishing it all could be different.
Five years of marriage…two Old Spuds…two Baby Spuds…one love now and forever etc etc xxx
oh boy… i can see the sadness in you husbands eyes… and your little one crying… that is the worse when you can’t comfort them in any way…i know…it was very hard for our boys at their own dad’s funeral as well. my thoughts are with you… hang in there…patience
love and peace to you my friend, it’s good to have you back.
Hello Dahling… you keep on keeping on.. all will be better in time, you know that. Let me know if you need a little cyber hug now and again, I had to deal with the girls grief when Grandpa died and it was not easy thing. We got through the worst but still have our moments. I’m gald chez spud didn’t get hit by that funny “robber” with the stocking on her head!!!!!
Oh it is so good to have you back. What a touching photo and beautiful words about real life for a very real family. You truly have packed a lot of living into five years, keep on plodding the peace will come. I send you the loving-kindness meditation today:
May you be filled with loving kindness
May you be well
May you be at peace and ease
May you be happy.
Blessings
i am so glad you are back. and i am so sorry that things are so difficult fot you (all) at the moment. you are wonderfully articulate about it, and i dont believe you entirely when you say you can do nothing to alleviate your child’s pain. i admire the way you talk to your children – of course i only see tidbits, but still.
Missed you…..sad for your family, but, happy you’re back.
♥
S
I was fine ’til you explained the photo, then I had a little cry. It’s such a test of oneself to have to be a parent when you want nothing more than to crawl into a hole and wail and lick your own wounds. I really think these are the times when parenting makes you be a stronger version of yourself than you may have thought possible. What a brave Mr Spud, and you my dear.
Happy anniversary, and welcome back.
xxx
Love to you all x
welcome back spuddie. You have been missed. xxx
oh spud, good to have you back. sorry for all the grieve and pain. my loss was nothing compared to yours, but i am kind of offline at the moment. flew to vienna and forgot my apple-baby at the security-check at cork airport. trying to juggle with my friend’s windows at the moment. it was a businesswoman’s nightmare! thank to my usb-stick i happened to my presentation with me so i survived three days of talking. i am about to go to another friend who will teach me how to edit my lovely pics of downtown vienna. so i hope i won’t feel so handicapped anymore by tonight. hugs from a really lovely place eliane
I am so glad you are back! I do hope this is the end of bad things happening to your family.
Boris was a baby when my father-in-law died suddenly of heart attack and Andrej hasn’t even had a chance to meet him. It is very tough for your kids now, especially for Bertie, but when they are a bit older I am sure they will appreciate that they got to spend a bit of time with Grandad.
Lots of love, xxx
oh spud… sending you love and hugs.
Oh, Spud, it must be so hard for you and your family… I really don’t know what to say, just that I know you and your family will get through this together. And that I hope this is the end of your hard patch!
Glad to have you back! B, xx
No words for this.
I bet your father-in-law was so profoundly happy to get to meet the next generation . . . lying so sweetly on those hotel pillows.