Chez Spud

A mere 17 hours after I received A Sign that I should blow a load of cash on a new camera…she arrived. And here she is, my [not very] little bundle of joy….my D700 accessorised with a Big Fat Lens.

Since the incident of the Disappearing Wig back in the summer, Andy the Postman can’t be trusted with important packages tied up with string. Cry. But I was very impressed to see the Parcelforce van trundling down the drive at 7.30am. I set forth in the rain in PJs and wellies to take ownership, but mostly to make sure I’d got the invoice snaffled away before MrSpud spotted it and collapsed in a dead faint. That’s the downside of early deliveries, MrSpud is still home to give me ‘the look’. I give him ‘the look’ back, but already his ‘look’ has spoiled my shopping pleasure. There’s just too much ‘looking’ going on…

So I shoveled him in to the Shit Picasso to make a start on his 4 hour round commute and 24 hour working day to earn the money to feed my internet shopping addiction (and I expect him home at 6.30pm sharp) and then broke in to the goodies. Mmmmm, Nikon goodness…

I was going to take a photo of the camera body sans lens. But they look kind of weird, naked really. I felt embarrassed for the D700 in the buff, and spared its blushes and popped the lens on. When I say ‘popped’ I meant, ‘heaved the gigantic weight of the lens on huffing and puffing and making weird gurning faces’. Sheesh, that lens is weighty. Surely they should supply some kind of slave girl or helpful imp to lug it around for you? It’s so heavy it has a serious protective case WITH A CARRYING STRAP (question mark whether backpack shoulder style straps more appropriate given gigantic weight?)

And it’s got a wee jobbie on the side where, I assume, you’re supposed to put your name and address or something? A kind of ‘If found please return to Spudballoo, Spudland’?

Although I might put something like ‘HANDS OFF YOU THIEVING BASTARDS’ or ‘IF YOU CAN CARRY IT, YOU’RE WELCOME TO IT’…

It took me 20 minutes to put the strap on the camera, and about an hour to work out the basics as there are lots of bells and whistles I’m not used to. I completely heart it already and feel very confident that my interpretation of The Sign was correct and thus MrSpud was wrong. As usual.

I read somewhere on some Camera Club that you must always read your camera manual and that you’ll never get the most out of your camera unless you do. Sigh. Must I really? Which insufferable little miss know-it-all said that? Because look at the size of the manual…

Even my Grudge Book isn’t as big as that…

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