this girl doesn’t take any shit…she’s starbucks not costa…she’s CHANEL not Mac….she’s Cristalle not No 7…she’s Nikon, of course. she’s not half as smart as she likes to make out but puts on a good show for the crowd…she’s got the gift of the gab and can charm the birds from the trees …she sings like a pro but counts like a dullard…she is purple, she is curly, she is cats, she is diamonds…she is silence, not TV, not the radio, not an ipod…just silence. she is my fair lady, hans christian anderson and the sound of music…she’s definitely not disney.  she is boy children not girl children, she is blue not pink, she is white wine not red and used to be Pimms but then there was that whole accidental second child conception incident since when she can’t touch it. She’s 50mm, she’s f1.4, she’s ISO6400 and knows the meaning of life is 42. she’s Eve Lom forever. she is spud, she is jude, she is only born, she is wifey, she is mummy…she used to be Her Upstairs but that was during the teenage years and she’s come downstairs and socialised again since then. she’s jeans for home, she’s birkenstocks, she’s el naturalista, she’s Gudrun Sojoden. she is black for work, she’s Hermes scarves, she’s patent leather, she’s cashmere. she is suffolk, not hackney, she’s country, not London. she is macbook, she is iphone, she is crumpler, she is mandarina duck. she’s 39, she’s 5ft 5, she’s 8 stone 7, she is size 10. she is she.

If you liked that, you might like this ...

• Secret 4 – I lack intellectual curiosity
• Another day…another secret…I bought my husband on the internet
• Settle down, settle in and pipe down….welcome to chez spud