Chez Spud

No, I’m not about to bring forth progeny once again. Or ever in fact. Although I did say that after Megaboy 1 was born and look how that turned out (hello Megaboy 2!). But, then, that wasn’t my fault, that was the work of some naughty imps forcing me to consume my own bodyweight in the Devil’s Own Potion (that’s Pimms No 1 to you).

So this isn’t a cutesy twee ‘we’re pregnant’ post. Which, since I’m in a ranting mode, is possibly one of the teeth grindingly awful expressions on the planet. ‘We’re’ pregnant? There is no ‘we’ in pregnant (apart from wee which is something entirely different and is ominprescent in pregnany, from the moment you have to wee on a stick/your hand to confirm the happy news, through the seemingly endless demands for samples of the stuff right up until you sign a direct debit for bulk deliveries of Tena Lady incontinence products to quieten the tremulous groans of your pelvic floor). I say again, there is no ‘we’ in pregnant…it’s not a team sport. The woman is pregnant, and the man is grateful that he is not.

End of Rant 1. Although I’m kind of warming to my theme and may go off on one about my other ‘twee twat’ hates which are right up there with ‘we’re pregnant’ which include the word ‘hubby’, ‘snuggles’ and ‘luv’. But I’ll save that for another day.

Rant 2….’Baby on board’ signs on cars. ‘Baby on board’…who gives a shit? Let’s knock the possible  arguments for them on the head, shall we?  I present my case:

(1) the emergency services are trained to look for ALL passengers large and small in the event of an accident. And, I’m thinking, that the presence of 25 tonnes of baby clobber in the car will probably be a give away?

(2) ‘baby on board’ signs have no effect on the standard of driving from other people DARING to use the road whilst you transport your ickle bubbas around. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest they are more likely to enrage The Sensibles amongst us who are more and not less likely to crash in to you as the red mist descends.

Erm, that’s it. I can’t think of any other reasonable argument as to why you would slap a ‘baby on board’ sign on your car other than sheer smuggery? And don’t even get me started on the ‘fun’ variations…’Princess on board’, ‘Small dude on board’, ‘Cheeky monkey on board’ etc etc. Actually that reminds me of yet another pet hate, appalling slogans on T Shirts for children (‘Lock up your daughters’ etc etc). But I will save that rant for another day too.

End of rant 2.

What has REALLY got my goat recently is the vision of a perfectly pleasant woman on the London underground, wearing her ‘Baby on board’ badge (pictured above) on her lapel. These aren’t new, London Underground introduced them a few years ago but it’s only recently that they have suddenly provoked The Rage from me.

The theory is that pregnant women often need to sit down when travelling on the tube (which is often horrendously busy, hot, slow etc etc). I completely agree with this point. However, it’s not always obvious that a woman is pregnant and thus might be in need of a seat. I agree with this point too. Also, some people are hesitant to offer a seat to a pregnant woman in case they are not pregnant, and just plump. Yet again, I agree with this point. Therefore, pregnant women should wear a badge announcing the fact that they are gestating so that the good folk of London can do their good turn for the day and give up their seat. I completely disagree with this point.

Pregnant women may well often need someone to give up their seat for them, along with many other groups of people….disabled people, old people, people carrying small children, people not feeling well, people who have consumed their own bodyweight in Pimms No 1 etc etc.

But, here’s my idea. Instead of wearing those crap badges (which are RIGHT UP there in terms of twee twattishness in my book)…why not just ask for a seat?  You know, just open you mouth and politely ask for a seat like we did in the old days before we had badges. It takes a certain degree of confidence, I will admit, but if you need a seat then just say so.  Frankly asking for a seat on the tube is a walk in the park compared with some of the battles you will inevitably have to get in to on behalf of your child, so you might as well start toughening up early on.

I traveled by tube when pregnant with both my boys. Very occasionally I needed a seat. When I did, I politely asked the people around me if I could sit down as I was pregnant and not feeling well. Pretty much everyone jumped to their feet every time I asked. It’s no big shakes, you just smile and sit down, say thank you and feel smug for not poncing around wearing a badge announcing your moronic status.

End of rant 3.

I might make myself a badge. Hell, I might CROCHET myself a badge. ‘Rage on board’. What do you think?

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