The Female of the Species
Posted under People I love, Witterings
I almost called this post ‘On women’ but thought it would attract the wrong kind of attention. The kind that you get on Flickr if you post a photo of your feet, the uglier the better apparently.
I’ve been thinking about women a lot recently, but not in that way. About how delightful, empowering, reassuring, encouraging and just plain JOYFUL it can be to spend time with other women and, especially, groups of women. I rarely get together with groups of women, having never really had a big gang of ‘girlie’ friends as it’s just not my thing at all…the phrase ‘girlie gaggle’ brings me out in a bit of a rash actually. I much prefer to see my friends individually, I’m definitely a one-on-one kind of pal (not like that).
But lately the company of women has been thrust upon me and hoorah for that. Yay for the sheer pleasure of female company (sigh, again, no not like that), it’s a delicious surprise. It started with Blog Camp 1.5 at Bee’s place, and then continued with Blog Camp 2.0 and then 3.0 at Julochka’s, each an exclusively female gathering (not by design…come on boys…who will be first to bag a place at Blog Camp?). I’ve failed to blog with any kind of insight about any of the Blog Camps I’ve attended; each has been such a special time, really quite extraordinary in fact, and definitely one of those ‘you had to be there’ kind of events. So often I find my thoughts drifting back to one or other of the Blog Camps…of the friendships…the bonds….the laughs….the confidences…the ‘femaleness’ of it all…warmth, cooking, making, crafting, motherhood, sisterhood, empathy, giggles, wine, chocolate, crochet, travel, language, books, sewing, art journals, journaling, baked goods, photography, grief, hugs (non contact), tea, cakes, biscuits, scones, jam, walks, life, boyfriends, husbands, weddings, schools…. and all the rest.
And then I chucked a local knitting group in to the mix. What finer way to spend an evening than with a group of relative strangers gathered around a big wooden table in a pub, drinking coffee/tea/wine and knitting/hooking like fiends. I was a little anxious about the whole thing to be honest. I’m a new crocheter, and new to the group. Surely a recipe for snootiness? Not a bit. Everyone was so welcoming, so encouraging and happy to help without a hint of OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!! And the ladies who run the group made a point of walking around and talking to everyone, so friendly, so cheery. I sat for the best part of 2 hours crocheting, and enjoying the warmth of the women and the threads that connect us womenfolk. Actually there was a man there too, what a result!
But this is my point. Women together, onside, supportive and loving are a world changing powerhouse. Together we are so much more than the sum of our parts (no, sigh sigh, not like THAT). I’ll just say that again and put it in bold for anyone who has drifted off….together we are so much more than the sum of our parts. And, why the hell not, together we are so much more than the sum of our parts.
So here’s the rub. Us womefolk spend so much time backstabbing, bitching, cat fighting, undermining, waiting…waiting..oh-so-patiently-a-waiting to catch each other out etc etc etc that, too often, we are so busy triumphantly destroying each other to be anything more than so much less than the sum of our parts. I can’t be bothered to be all preachy about it because all you womenfolk know what I mean. You’ll have partaken in it, and been on the receiving end of it. I know I have, on both counts. And it’s a dreadful, destructive, vicious pastime. Why do we do that? Why does it always have to be such a competition about absolutely everything? The world is drifting on, waiting and needing our help while we’re busy twitching ‘n’ witching ‘n’ bitching about each other’s weight/hair/income/popularity/car blah blah blah.
Blog Camp…knitting group….gatherings of warm, loving, giving, funny, clever, charming, supportive women…. the best of times, the best kind of women…the women that have touched my life in ways too complicated, too precious to explain.
The female of the species is more deadly than the male, so says the song. Only by our own vicious, bitchy, spiteful tongues. Put ‘em away gals. Life’s too short.
Here endeth the lesson.
Kiss kiss hug hug kiss kiss (not like that)
xxx
Wow spud, I think it got it. I’m sure you’re going to get a ton of comments telling you how right you are. If only we could bring that into action.
*sigh*
I loved high school, but there’s a reason why I wouldn’t do it over again. There is so much evil in the world, lets just be nice. Okay?
I’m jealous of your knitting group. I wish I could be there and join in the learning. I’m visiting my mom again in a couple month, maybe I’ll try to actually learn something from her this time…
your awesome spud, I can’t wait to give you a huge non-contact hug.
I know exactly what you mean, and I am trying not to get drawn into it this year.
Well done on joining the knitting group! I joined the WRI last week and noone really believes me when I tell them how great it was. Admittedly most people were about 50 years older than me, but they were all keen to talk to me and make me feel welcome and “pass all their skills onto the younger generation” (their words, not mine!!). I can’t wiat for next month!!
Amen sistah…. i would like to add something… it’s hard to be saintly and sometimes it’s worth reflecting on our own shortcomings before casting aspersions on others.
I want to join the knitting group too! I can’t imagine sitting in an American pub and having that kind of meeting. Probably a coffee house here. How amazing! How fun!
for the record….i would so never, ever criticize someone for their car…;-)
well said, spud.
Wow! Your knitting group meets at the pub? How cool is that! I love all my women friends and treasure the times we get to spend together.
Wow Spud, so well said. The close kindred relationships we happen upon are so important. It amazes me how much “drama” there can be in life that is so unnecessary, and the result of some craziness brought on by those who just never left the high school mentality. Heres to being able to recoginize, filter, and grasp onto what’s important!
you are so lucky to have these friendships.
i’m often wondering why women so often fall into the trap of competitiveness and bitchiness. when i did, or was on the receiving end of some serious female bitching, i think it had a lot to do with insecurity. which isn’t an excuse, it’s a destructive waste of time no matter what causes it.
here’s to being kind and enjoying friendship!
I think the only way to end that is to simply not engage. Most women are really friendly and supportive, then there are a few who are just… well, major bitches. Just avoid them. Don’t hang out with them, no matter how cool you think they are, how famous they are, how much you think they can do for you.
Being a bitch is NOT cool. Being mean is NOT cool. Behaving like you are better than everyone else is also NOT cool. Send them message by just letting them stew in their own broth, and choose to to hang out with loving, supportive, fun people.
This is also a lesson I think we should all learn. I wish I could pass it around at the next BlogHer ;-)
I hope to be able to attend the next BlogCamp! They look so fun and relaxed.
Such a FABULOUS post, I’m sitting here nodding away like mad. I love that you’ve started going to the local knitting group – I’m dying to learn to crochet and hopefully I’ll find a group back in Sydney! Long live female friendships! xx
When I was younger I decided that having females friends was not the way to go. But as I became older and my attitude and confidence became stronger, I realized it was okay to make friends with my female counterparts, just say no to the toxic ones. This has worked for me so far.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Amen. So timely, and such a great post (with humor too, I love it!)
or am I too much of a dork if I say A-Woman! Phew, now that’s out of my system! ;)
dainty! *). Thank you for the share
[...] of women can surprise me, and it seems that it has surprised Spudballoo as well. In “The Female of The Species” she talks about how amazing “women together, onside, supportive and loving are a world [...]