Taking photographs of strangers’ children
Posted under Photography
“Do you mind if I take a photograph of your children?”….what would you say if a stranger asked you that question?
At the weekend we, like a couple of other families with young children, sat around the ornamental boating pond at a nearby town. I noticed an older lady with a camera, taking photos of some girls. The girls’ mother swiftly went over, and the lady introduced herself and said she takes photos of children for her books and puts them on her website. She gave the mother a business card and the mother was reassured and friendly.
Then the lady turned to another mother and asked if she could take a photo of her daughter. The mother readily agreed and, again, a business card was handed over.
Finally, she asked if she could take a photo of the boys. “I’d really rather that you didn’t”, I said politely, “but thank you for asking.” And that was that. Or so I thought.
A minute or two later she came back and politely asked me why I had an issue with her taking a photo of the boys. Attempting to be pleasant (mistake) I got drawn in to a bit of a debate about wanting to protect their privacy and not knowing who she is or what she wants to use the photos for. She got a bit more feisty at this point and explained that she is a childrens author/illustrator and she takes photos of children and turns them in to line drawings for her books. So, erm, she takes photos of other people’s children for financial gain? No thanks….
Anyway, I was beginning to feel a bit feisty myself at this point having stupidly allowed myself to get drawn in to a debate when, inside, I was screaming ‘THE REASON THAT YOU CAN’T TAKE A PHOTO OF MY CHILDREN IS BECAUSE I BLOODY WELL SAID SO!’ I could feel myself being watched, not least by one of the mothers who had allowed her daughter to be photographed and was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable about the whole thing.
The woman’s parting shot was something along the lines of ‘Well none of the other mothers had an objection so why do you?’ at which point I snapped, ‘To be honest it’s none of your business”. And she walked off muttering, ‘hmmm, well…right’.
Urgh. I hate that kind of confrontation and especially with an audience, not helped by Bertie piping up, “Why didn’t you let that lady take my photo? I wanted her too”. Bangs head repeatedly…
So, was I right to refuse or was I acting like a precious princess? I’m certainly a bit of a hypocrite since I trotted out some awful line about protecting my children’s privacy when this blog and my Flickr stream clearly fly in the face of that particular argument. My defense is that me taking photos of them and using them as I see fit is entirely different than allowing a stranger to do so. But where is the line? I share photos and stories about them online with strangers, will they think that’s an abuse of my position when they’re older? Or will they read my blog and enjoy it as a kind of family journal? Or won’t they care either way?
The whole episode left a really nasty taste in my mouth and rather upset me. It’s been festering away ever since to be honest. Did I do the right thing or did I totally over-react? “Do you mind if I take a photograph of your children?” – what would you say if a stranger asked you that?
It would be somewhat weird if someone came up to me and asked the question, but then again, if she had a business card and a valid reason, I might be ok with it. It’s the creepers who sneakily take photos that I worry about…who knows what they’re doing with those photos. There are sick people out there! And I agree with you about you using the boys’ photos on your blog/flickr…. since Megaboys are YOUR children, you’re allowed to use their photos however you want. I totally understand not wanting someone else to profit from the use of photographs of your kids. I think it would definitely take a lot of nerve to walk up to a complete stranger and ask them that!
Of course you were right. They are your children. I think it was very rude of her to question you like that. Does she eve realize she needs signed releases to use her photos. Did you ever check out her credentials from her card?
I agree with you wholeheartedly. To me its the use of a child as a commodity. The boys are YOUR children. If you want to take a picture and post it on every website in the world that is your perrogative. But it is NOT ok for random women to expect to get models for her drawings for free.
Someone asked me if they could take Y’s photo. She was a tourist in London and said she just loved how Y was playing so nicely (in a very touristy place in London). I said that was fine (I was taking photos myself) as she seemed nice, normal etc.
As said above, I’d worry more about someone with a telephoto or even a p&s with a decent zoom taking photos…it’s the ones that don’t ask that I’d be bothered by.
However, you’re FULLY within your rights to say no. Of course you are. And she had no right whatsoever to even question your decision.
I am the same as you. I have had people ask if they can take photos of the kids too and I have always refused. I must admit I have never had someone challenge me as to why though…she should have respected your wishes and gracefully walked away.. It sounds like you were very restrained in your behaviour as I am sure it was flipping hard to be. Please don’t agonise over your blog and your flickr as they are totally different :-)
I wouldn’t worry about it, because I’d be exactly the same. Even if I knew who the person was, I don’t think I’d let her take any pictures of my children, even at their ages now (12 and 10).
I believe you mentioned that she claimed she puts them on her website. Well, I’m sorry, but I definitely wouldn’t let them be posted worldwide, because they could then be circled anywhere and everywhere.
So, all in all, I say that you did the right thing by disallowing her to take any photographs of your boys.
xx.
I think that if you don’t want someone to take pictures of your kids, the person should respect your wishes–no questions asked, end of story. I can’t say for sure what I’d do if I were asked (it might depend on my mood, ha!) but I think you raise valid concerns about not knowing where the pictures will end up, etc. It was courteous of her to ask in the first place, rather than just snapping away, but she should have dropped the matter when you declined.
You did nothing wrong. She did!
You ask if you can take a photograph and if it is a no, then you say OK and just walk away.
You were absolutely right. Anyone have a businesscard made and walk around with a camera and tell that story. If she truly was doing the job is she said she was. She would have had kids coming in from an special agency and pay them!!!!
I might well have said yes but that’s not the point.
If you ask, and you get a negative, you say no problem and walk away and respect that person’s reply.
You don’t have the right to interrogate that person; for all she knew there could be very important reasons why their image shouldn’t be published (for instance, adoption under difficult circumstances).
The fact she was so unprofessional and unpleasant just makes me think you did the right thing.
I wonder why she asked if she didn’t expect to get a “no” at some point. Isn’t that reason she asked? To give someone the opportunity to politely and gracefully decline?
Humm….
Adding to the “I agree with you” comments on here. I don’t have kids, but if I did I would be really wary of having a total stranger take their picture.
I do also take your point though about the blog/flickr. If I have kids at any point I’m going to have to think really carefully about how I handle blog/flickr/facebook/etc privacy for them. Maybe I’ll write a private blog and give them the password when they’re 18. Though that feels a bit extreme as well!
By the way, camping in Norfolk sounds fabulous (thanks for your comment on my Gallery post!) – I used to go camping there with my family as a kid and loved it! The north Norfolk coast is stunning!
I find it ridiculous that she shouldn’t respect your answer, and that would REALLY have annoyed me.
I found your question interesting: I would probably have let her take pics of my kids. Providing I’m comfortable with the person, of course.
We’re frequently in very touristy locations and regularly are asked for pics – it’s just become part of the experience!
I live in a country in which people delight in children. They admire them openly, and are also always quick to give a hand (feeding, crossing streets, tying shoelaces, telling off, whatever). There’s a strong sense of sharing, so I wouldn’t feel quite right to refuse a photograph. I find it interesting to read different perspectives on your blog!
What a strange reaction – with the benefit of hindsight I bet you’re even happier with your refusal – she sounds a bitty imbalanced if you ask me!
I’d say no for the simple reason that I don’t go giving away copyright on photos of my children to anyone who asks. We were a bit taken aback a few years ago when a professional photographer we’d gone to for a portrait session used our children in a Christmas advertising campaign in the local paper – the kids were mortified! Obviously he was well within his rights to do so but it makes me appreciate how much having control over images of my children means.
You should have told her you were a photographer!
Hi, just found your blog via BMB. I’ve been in a similar situation before and although I’ve agreed to tourists taking snaps of my little ones, I’d defintiely draw the line if it were for commercial reasons or if I was uncomfortable, especially if the person was rude to me!!! Have had a browse round your blog and your boys are gorgeous by the way – your photography is amazing!!! Will definitely visit again x
I think you did absolutely the right thing. My friends and I ask before we take pics of the kids because it is about their privacy. They can’t make their own choices and as their parent you have to make it for them. I wouldn’t be happy with some unknown having my kids pictures. They could be anybody and the fact that she didn’t just respect your answer would have caused me great concern. I’d have probably told her to P*** off!
Not sure why but the fact that she was making money by taking photos of other people’s children really irked me. What a cheek! Apart from the obvious security reasons that is. I mean, anyone can print off a business card. She could have been selling them onto a porn site for all you know.
I think your only mistake (in hindsight) was politely explaining yourself. And possible not asking the other mothers what percentage they were getting!
i would have said no. i agree with you. in fact, i have said no to someone who asked.
in reality no-one can police whether people take images, and at least she asked, but the fact that she didn’t back off immediately and respectfully is an issue: i would check up the details on the business card and register a concern. we had requests for photos a lot when the kids were little and in a line-em-up triple buggy. i always said NO thank you and never explained myself. (the only person i said yes to was the waiter at the local indian restaurant.)
have been mulling this one since our holiday in turkey. lost count of the number of people – men and women – who wanted to take a photo of my 2yo. i didn’t mind in the slightest. but realised it would be a different matter in the uk? but why? i think the lady you write about had a slightly dodgy motive – and she should have just accepted your decision – but ultimately i do think we are probably way too precious in britain.
in my textbook about aromatherapy i have a chapter with “who is who”. for the last few editions i had to get a consent of each of the persons i showed even if the pics were take by me. so you are completely right with your refusal, dear Spud! i would have asked for a sample of her work/drawings. maybe she changes her subjects artistically but she should let you know and not become feisty. but i have to admit that on two occasions i asked myself as there were so incredibly cute kids in front of me that i really wanted to take a picture. and the parents agreed. and Spud, no need to worry about your comments on my blog! i have been so incredibly busy during the last months that i couldn’t comment either! hugs from munich!
I think you were totally within your rights to refuse her request to take pictures of the boys. Regardless of whether or not she was using them for totally innocent reasons, once she asked and you said no, she was WAY out of bounds to challenge you. Plain and simple. And, since they are your children, you have the right to post photos of them wherever you see fit….the two situations are not related.
xxoxoo
S
Hmmm, sorry tp be a cynic but the whole tale sounds slightly dodgy to me, I’d be surprised if the woman’s story was true. I would expect a professional artist to have a sketchpad for a start. You posting appropriate pictures of your kids on a blog/flickr is one thing, some random posting piccies on her website entirely another, it was a good call imho, confirmed by her aggression when you said no.