Being who I am
Posted under Witterings
This is me. This is who I am. This is me last November, snapped by MrSpud when I was recovering from swine flu. Poor me, it’s hard to know which is worse…the obvious flu or that Big Fat Hair? All gone now in favour of the gamine chop, although the Big Hair is creeping back through sheer apathy…
So that is me…laid bare. I can dress it up in fancy clothes and expensive haircuts but, in the end, that photo is who I am. In my head I don’t look like that, but the camera never lies. I might ‘feel’ 25 and in my head be dressed to kill but, in reality, I’m nearly 40 and am dressed like a Mum. But, then, that’s who I am. No way round the fact that I AM nearly 40 and a AM a Mum. Tant pis.
Today I read such an uplifting post from Marion of Joy and Wonder called ‘Lovely Day‘ which, as you might expect, contains a reference to Bill Wither’s song of the same title. But what I hadn’t expected was to treated to this wonderful, uplifting yet grounding quote from Bill Withers. I’ve never heard it before but it’s instantly right up there in my top 5 quotes:
“You can’t get to wonderful without passing through “all right.” And when you get to “all right,” take a good look around and familiarize yourself with things, because that may be all you are capable of. And that’s all right.”
Feel that? Hear that? That’s a breath of FRESH AIR that’s blowing, that’s what that is. How liberating to hear someone be bold and say that it’s OK to be ‘all right’, that we should be comfortable with being “all right”. Seems a long way from our usual need it/want it/get it/gotta be the best kind of mindset.
While I was pondering I was reminded of a Douglas Adams quote that MrSpud sent me last week which tackles the same issue, but a little differently:
“Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, “This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!”
This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it’s still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything’s going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for”.
Oh it just sings doesn’t it? How have I not know these wonderful, enlightening, thoughtful quotes before? I feel so giddy at the ordinariness of them both. What grace there can be in such stillness.
Whilst pondering the Bill Withers quote on Marion’s blog my eye happened to wander to her ‘about me’ page. I scanned it and, instantly drawn in, I tiptoed in deeper and found this quote from the poet Mary Oliver:
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it is over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
Ah, such stirring words to rouse one from one’s stupor! There I was getting comfortable in the carpet slippers of familiarity and ordinariness…but then in skips Mary with her battle cry. Why be just “all right” when you can be “married to amazement”. Why “hang on to the notion that every thing’s going to be all right” when you can be the “bridegroom, taking the world into my arms”.
I often feel like I’m on the cusp. The whole ‘turning 40′ business is more of a deal than I ever could have expected. I can either put on my slippers and be “all right”. Or I can “take the world into my arms..”
It feels pretty dramatic to set it out so starkly. But then life IS, by it’s nature, inherently dramatic so you might as well embrace it. One life, live it etc etc.
“Being who I am” is the title of this post. But, perhaps, “Being who I choose to be” might have been more appropriate. Food for thought x
I had the same awakening you are experiencing just as I turned 40. It is a bit daunting at first, but then you get your bearing and the ride just gets better and better each year! You start to appreciate the little things more acutely, you become more aware of serendipity and appreciative of it and you begin to truly love yourself and all that you are or aren’t.
Bravo on the 50 explores!
S♥
Turning 40 is kind of an Inventory moment…. but then the day after you turn 40 you realize it’s all just perfect.
I love your writing… Spud, it’s just beautiful… and you’re lovely whatever you are doing.
Sincerely,
Your Biggest Fan!!!!
xxxxxx
Provocative (in a very good way) post, Spud. There are a slew of great quotations of Mary Oliver that always make me rally when I feel I can’t.
I’m over 50 so I must say the avatar my comment was given was perfect for me, and on a Monday, no less!
Well, I believe who you are, is a magnificent, talented, remarkable woman, and a great mother, and you deserve a lot more credit than what you give yourself. :)xx
Very inspirational post. Beautifully written.
I think you look wonderful.
The post is lovely. And the photo? Oh my word! I hope your husband tells you every day that you’re beautiful, because you certainly are. Your eyes–wow. I want your eyes and cheekbones, please! Your sentiments in the post really hit home to me. I’m…er…past 40 (slightly!), and sometimes I yearn for more, when really I should–and CAN–look around and find contentment where I am and who I am. And that’s the best way to live. Thanks for putting your thoughts down in such a beautiful way.
Wonderful quotes, all of them. is it not possible to do both…be content with being alright AND seize the day? Surely it is not possible to live life always trying to be amazing and the best, even though it may be exhilirating to try. There will always be days, however, when all we need to do is just cuddle up on the sofa and be…alright. A little of both I think. xx
“because this world was meant to have him in it” – my favorite part..
I think that as we get older, we move from finding our place in the world to really owning our place in the world.
Once you say, “this is me, take it, leave it, it’s me,” you let go of needing to be/do/say things that aren’t you and move into a place where you just are, no need to try. And when you do that, you are just knocked over by the amazing things that get presented to you.
I am on the other end of forty, and I think we grow into this way of living. But to be aware, to think about all this now, is the beginning of something very special.
Final thought – every time I look at your work, I know you are all ready married to amazement.
Thanks for this thoughtful post!
This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I turned 39 last month and being officially on the countdown to 40 is KILLING ME. I never imagined I would struggle so much with something so silly. This is a great post. xo!
Hmmm… I can say, having tripped into the 40′s a bit before you, I am loving it in a rather grown up way. I love being 40 because it is that time that you get to really become comfortable with you. It is also a time that a girlfriend of mine describes as a time to let go and do all those things that you have always wanted to do. What is stopping us? 40 is that turning point, no matter how we approach it – whether softly and cautiously or with verve and a battle cry. I am enjoying my turning… I hope you will too! :) You make my heart smile, Spud!
Im very late, I know, but I just found your blog today and love it so much that Ive spent quite a while reading through it. Ive had things on my mind and would just like to say thankyou for this post, it is indeed a breath of fresh air. Brilliant blog, you are a wonderful writer and photographer, Im a little jealous! x