Let them eat cake
Posted under 39 things to do before you're 40, Things I make
Mr Bertie at his birthday party this weekend, looking a little weary it has to be said. It’s hard to know if that was down to having just done his first two days at school…or the vast melt down he’d had earlier in the party for being rubbish at pin the tail on the donkey. Sigh…
I rashly decided to make both my children’s birthday cakes this year, as part of my 39 things to do before I’m 40 project. It was an ambitious addition to the list as I’m rubbish at cooking and baking, and I’d never attempted a birthday cake before.
Diggy’s, back in February, actually went quite well and even tasted good. No one was more surprised than me…
Emboldened by my earlier success I handed the fancy cake book to Bertie and let him choose his own. To be honest I was a bit disappointed he chose something so ‘easy’ (hollow laugh), which was included in the ‘simple cakes’ section of the book. I encouraged him to choose something more showy (thank GOD he didn’t go for it), but he was very firm in his choice of a number 5 shape cake in pale blue. Fine.
It should have been straightforward. Two cakes, one round, one square. Cut the middle out of the circle cake and a bit from the side, cut a couple of rectangles from the square one and assemble in a 5. The cake mix was the same as the one for the owl cake, and the buttercream icing looked very easy.
But it turned in a Whole Big Thing. First of all my mother’s 30 year old electric mixer went on the blink, and would only operate on the first two speeds. Then the first cake, the circle, failed to cook throughout and sank like a pancake when I got it out of the oven. It looked more like an omelet. Why? How did that happen? I didn’t open the oven door until the suggested cooking time was done. It clearly wasn’t done at that point so I left it for another 10 minutes, at which point a skewer came out clean so I took it out assuming it was cooked. Wrong. It did its collapsing act and I started with the heeby jeebies.
Luckily the uncooked ‘omelet’ bit was the bit that needed cutting out anyway.
Then I made the square one. I increased the cooking time but this one, too, sank a bit in the middle and was rather crunchy on the outside…not at all sponge like. And don’t even get me going on how hard it was to cobble it all together in a 5 shape…
Next day…I tackled the buttercream icing. My arm nearly fell off getting the icing sugar and butter to cream together. And then it was so stodgy I could have laid bricks with it. After a bit of humming and haaaaaring I added a bit of milk and that sorted it out. But it took FOREVER to ice that damn cake, really fiddly!
And I’d never used food dye before. How scary is food dye? Seems to be a fine line between ‘making no difference’ and ‘looking like something from a horror movie’. And it stained my hands blue, in a way I’ve not seen since 1986 when my Parker 25 consistently leaked ‘royal blue’ ink all over me for a whole school year.
I realised early on the cake wasn’t going to be a masterpiece of understated elegance. To detract from the vile blue crusty omelet, I made some Fimo clay aliens and they were a big hit. Alas they are not edible so people had to, youk now, actually eat the blue omelet. Some kind souls have said it was delicious. I ate some myself and can attest to the fact that it was dire. Even my children won’t eat it and I’ve had to chuck the leftovers in the bin.
I would ideally like the throw the towel in on the whole cake making business, since I found the whole thing so stressful. But Diggy has already been through the book and put in an order for a ‘rabbit cake’ for his next birthday.
Still, could have been worse. While I was going through Cake Hell my neighbour, with whom we shared the party, was hard at work on his masterpiece for his daughter. The dog ate it. He had to start all over again. At least I could just ice over my omelet and call it quits.
x
Food dye is terrifying! For Milo's first birthday I made him a “fist cake” – you know, a small cake he can smash his fist into and his dad and I can laugh happily etc… etc… It would be blue with chocolate buttons on. Nope – it would be some insane blue in wavy streaks with more buttons than you can imagine, just to cover the hideous blue. Needless to say Milo pushed it away and didn't want to put his fist anywhere near it. I stuck to easy grown-up cakes for his party/his public (family and friends). I think you are very brave and your cakes both look very impressive! The owl is awesome. Happy Birthday Bertie!
Ha! It looks damn fine, and they only care about that and the icing anyway. Sounds like perhaps there was too much egg? Ach it happens to everyone. The last cake I made I had to avoid lactose, egg, and chocolate what with varios intolerances in the party. I undercooked a carrot cake, but everyone seemed impressed all the same….
Next year, I'm completely stealing the hedgehog cake idea. Though how I can make it fit with everyone is another question…. perhaps a white chocolate owl. Omnomnom.
Wowzers. That is one impressive cake. And your son appears to be surrounded by girls . . .
I am totally impressed. my mother used to make all our cakes and they were amazing to look at — and to eat. I suck tho, and ususally get ours at the grocery store. I could learn a lot from you…
Oh what fun! I'm glad you stuck out the cake hell! The party looks like happy memories were made. Tell Diggy I never liked 'Pin the Tail' either…stupid game! Blessings to the Birthday Boy!
sounds like my many attemps of making any kind of special cake. but i have a two-minute-recipe for a good chocolate cake which i decorate in different ways and it usually finds many fans. hope your neighbour's dog had no chocolate in his cake as it can be deadly for canines…
lol sorry the 5 cake didn't work out but the owl looks fab
You know what that 5 cake looks excellent and you tried and you made it with love and that is all that matters. I love all the pink girls against the blue of the cake and he looks gorgeous
i love the owl, and can totally relate to the madness of icing. i have made all the cakes for my children so far. some more successfully than others. but the children seem to enjoy it and wont have any bought cakes, so i must eb doing something right. its the thought that matters… or so i tell myself, lol.
I feel your pain. I am hideously awful at baking and have made some truly dire cakes for my boys. But do you know what? I won't stop and you know why? Because crap cakes are what great childhood memories are made of. You might just find Bertie's 5th birthday cake is something that will stay with him forever. And not, necessarily, in a bad way! I think they both look fabulous x
Happy birthday, Bertie! Five is magical, and so is having a princess at your birthday party!
And for you, Ms. Spud, for someone who is rubbish at cakes and such you have made some rather amazing creations! Well done! Happy day to all!
Um points for trying, right?
So glad we're not at a stage where they'll actually remember their cakes (or just the fact they have some fairy cakes…) bad mummy
Oh well done you, it is never as easy as they make it look is it…the cake looks very impressive though I must say, and the Birthday looks very pleased :-)
The sinky middle could be from over beating, or a naff oven?!?
Haappy Birthday Bertie Boy, xx
Well, it certainly photographed well! Really, you would never have known it for the “blue omelet” of your description.
[...] am allowing Spud to go first and to choose the theme, I’m just hoping it’s not all crochet and home baking as I won’t be able to match [...]