To my boy on starting school…
Posted under People I love
To my boy, on the eve of starting school:
Five…the number of years you so nearly are….five…the number of years we’ve hung out together…five…the years which are the most formative of a child’s life … five….the number of years it’s been since I parted ways with corporate life for you…five…the minutes that it seems like since you were born. Five.
What a journey we’ve been on together, right from the moment you were thrust in to my arms, brand new in the world. You frowned at me and looked so puzzled by it all, quizzical and questioning right from the start. I passed you to your Daddy and I watched him stick his tongue out at you, and you did it right back. Five minutes old and already wanting to be ‘just like Daddy’. In that moment, I saw your Daddy fall in love with you and, through the fug of drugs and a 3 day labour, our family was born and bonded.
There have been highs…there have been lows….you didn’t like to sleep a lot at first, but you’ve made up for it since. For a long time you didn’t talk and I used to wonder what it would be like to have a conversation with you. I have a clear recollection of driving with you, mute, in the back and trying to imagine what it might be like to chatter with you. I couldn’t begin to think what it might be like. How times change, now I can’t imagine what we ever did together before you could talk. What on earth did we get up to in those first, silent 2 years?
You preferred to concentrate on the physical stuff. You sat up, crawled, walked, jumped, ran and climbed ‘early’, which seemed very exciting at the time. Now you can ride a bike (and are about to get you first, serious road bike for your birthday), swim unaided, can run like the wind and have a real talent for tennis. Where did you get all these physical skills from because they certainly don’t come from me.
You can read, and I just LOVE that. I loved the look on your face as you pointed and sounded out the phonics and then blended the words. You did that chuckle that only a parent will notice and cherish, the one that means “Oh! I’m doing it…I’m doing it!” And you’re so ready for school that you went to bed telling me you didn’t need a story, “because I need a good night’s sleep before my Big Day”.
How did you get so big, oh boy of mine? You were so tiny when you were born. Newborn clothes swamped you. Trudy had to go out and buy ‘tiny baby’ clothes and even they swamped you. I fussed and I fretted over your weight. I wondered if breastfeeding was ‘enough’ despite all the advice that it was. It was hard but we stuck with it, and I’m glad that we did. I remember our last feed so vividly. You were 10 months old, I was 2 months pregnant with your brother and the strain of growing one baby and nourishing you was beginning to tell. And you’d started biting, ouch! So we had ‘one last feed’, early in the morning in bed. You finished feeding, looked up at me, gave a HUGE milky grin and crawled off. It seemed fitting that you showed your independence by crawling away from your last feed…I worried that you wouldn’t been keen to give up feeding from me, but you never tried again.
Along the way we acquired a third playmate, and your relationship with you brother has never ceased to enthrall me. The sibling relationship is a mystery to me, as an only child. But watching you develop a wonderful relationship with Diggy, quite separate and distinct from you relationship from me and your Daddy has been a joy from the start. When I was pregnant with Diggy I worried, endlessly, that I was depriving you of your babyhood. To an extent that was true, you were so little when he was born and you had to be the ‘big boy’. But the relationship that quickly developed has made it all so, so worthwhile and I’m so proud of both my boys for the love and tenderness you (mostly) show to each other.
And here we are, at the crossroads of ‘five’. Our merry band of one mummy, two smalls boys about to be split up – one big boy to school, one small boy to nursery, one tearful mummy just muddling along. I’m thrilled for you about starting school, I couldn’t be happier with the school that you’re going to. You’re so, so ready. You have so many friends to start school with. How blessed we are! You are starting your journey, the biggest journey you will ever embark on and I’m right there behind you, every step of the way. I don’t think it’s overstating matters to say that the rest of your life starts tomorrow. “Education…education…education”…it’s not just a political slogan.
“I just want you to be happy!”, this is the battle cry of many a parent including myself. But, in the end, being happy and fulfilled will probably come down to having choices about what you want to do in life. I believe that education is the key to knowing what you want, and having the ability to do it. I hope we’ve chosen a school where you can flourish and grow in to your skin.
One journey is ending for us, precious boy, and the next is beginning. I would be lying if I said I’ve treasured every moment of the last 5 years because, hand on heart, there have been times when it felt too hard and there have been a lot of tears along the way. But I wouldn’t change things for the world and I’m proud that we’ve made this journey together. I never intended to give up my career to stay home with you but that’s how it turned out, and I’m so glad it did. These precious years aren’t coming back again.
So, to my boy on starting school, I give you this….courage to know who you are and defend it to the end…vision to know who your friends are because, in the end, they will mean more than you can ever imagine…steeliness of spirit to fight through the worst of it…energy to make the most of every opportunity that comes your way…inquisitiveness which is the foundation of learning and patience enough to deal with the inevitable frustrations along the way.
As I write I am unravelling my apron strings and weaving them in to wings. Wings to set you free with…
Love from Mummy xxx
Oh this is beautiful. I'm having a little weep here. Hope the next steps on your journey together are just as wonderful
This is stunningly put. I hope he has an amazing day x
It's been 15 years since my youngest boy started school. I wasn't sad because I knew he was ready for it (and being my third made it easier).
I hope you get through tomorrow, I suspect it will be a longer day for you than him. Your boy sounds like mine, he didn't say a word until he was over two and then said full sentences. He could also read very well before starting school.
I literally had to wipe to tears off of my keyboard to write this comment. This is a beautiful send off and will be a treasure for him to read and keep one day (and embarrassing too, I am sure :)
That part about needing a good night's sleep before his big day tomorrow just about broke my heart with joy and laughter. He is wonderful. And so are you.
I can't see to write properly…
Beautiful. Have a wonderful day tomorrow Bertie x
Oh what wonderful words – you made me cry, especially about what he said to you at bedtime. Hope the first day goes really well for you both x
Beautiful post! Good luck tomorrow, both of you! x
Bloody hell you wotsit, that is just so moving. You rotten so and so, I came over here at quarter to one in the morning looking for you know, a bit of cheery Spud, and come across this. Going to bed all wistful and thinking about my own girl's impending move to big school.
Beautiful Spud x
An incredibly moving post, beautifully written. I hope your little boy has a fantastic day tomorrow. I have shared this post, if you don't mind, on Twitter and Facebook. It's just superb and so many mothers will be able to relate to it at the moment.
Much love and I hope you are OK tomorrow too! xx
Beautifully written Spud :-)
I feel really choked up after reading it and I'm determined not to lose my eye makeup x I've only watched B grow up through the 'tinterweb but it's clear to see what an amazing job you and your H have done – he sounds like a wonderful 5 year old and I can totally understand your 'grief' in him moving onto the next stage in his life.
My son starts school next week and I am still trying to figure out where the time has gone. I hope B enjoys the day and I am sure he will be dying to tell Diggy all about what he has to look forward to.
Jules
xx
Beautifully written. Good luck for today xx
Good luck today, you are gonna need it because you have to be ready when he is home again.
Your last line just finished me off! I have twelve more sleeps till my little man starts school and I am ever so slightly freaking out.
What an incredible post, thank you for sharing.
Wow! What a wonderful post. I've got tears in my eyes. I hope that you share this with your son one day and he appreciates just how wonderful his mummy is. Thank you for sharing.
Aaaahhh don't. Stop it! I don't want to think of mine getting “that big”. *sigh*. Just think what it will be like when they turn 18!!!
What a fabulous post Spud. I can hear thousands of Kleenex packs being ripped open around the country and hopefully lots of 'fancy a coffee' moments too. I went out last night with my fellow schoolgate mums. The children are all grown up but those friendships remain and are important too.
Thanks Jude for sharing such a lovely piece of writing. Emily has just come back telling me of the gang already embroiled in fun at school straight-away. I have no worries at all about them all at school together, it's my own reaction which has caught me off guard. The old adage 'they grow up so quick nowadays' really rung true today. Bless you and them.. Sam X
Absolutely beautiful. Dammit if you make me cry…*looks for tissues*
xxxxxx
Agree with Jay, that end bit made me cry. Beautiful post. x
your words are very moving.
happy first day at school!
Beautiful, just beautiful….it's my littley's first day at big school today. The whole day has been a void and now I'm in tears again for the second time in 10 minutes – you pesky bloggers x
absolutely beautiful, Spud, very moving. this really is such a big change
the bit about needing enough sleep made me weepy
I hope it all goes well and school turns out to be pure joy!
Beautiful post. Cheers to you and your little one, and congratulations on the beginning of this exciting new chapter!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye…. *sniff*
Yes funnily enough I got something in my eye today too…I wonder what? Weep….
Thx Polly! Today went really well, gosh it's been a long day though. I feel a bit wiped out! x
Sniff sniff…group hug for the schoolstartermums. Extra wine for everyone ;-)
Thank you! It went well, glad it's over though. I've been dreading it for so long!
Thank you! Sorry for all the tears, eek!
Bad Spud, baaaad for making everyone weep. Sniffle…xxx
Hey mate! Yes, our little guys 'n' gals did just fabulously today. Hope Mr G was OK about coming home at lunchtime?
Yes, I always knew our babes would be fine. It's hard for us not them! x
Yes, looking forward to some gossipy coffees at some point in the future! I'm so glad today is over, I've been building up to it for so long. I was so excited to see my little chap running out to the playground at the end of the day. Felt like a long day. x
I know, it's shocking how fast the time goes…although often each individual day drags….! x
Thank you, such a kind comment…I will put it in his memory box! x
Thank you, glad you liked it! It's such a big change isn't it. I'm really glad today is over, am v weary with the emotion of it all! x
Too right! Was so gorgeous to get him home again though! xx
Thank you! IT went well, glad it's over though ;-)
Sniff sniff and hoorah for old PP people. We've been through a LOT haven't we? He's had a lovely day although I've no idea what he got up to as he's keeping it close to his chest!! xx
Oh you're welcome, thanks for sharing it! It was a good day, all went well…had a bit of a weep at home though! x
Oooh I am evil and wicked. Mwha ha ha….sniff to all us schoolstartermums xxxx
Oh dear, lots of tears here!! He had such a good day, but boy is he tired now…love you Mrs xxx
Oh yes it was a long day! He's exhausted but happy. I'm VERY happy that today is over and went well. He was definitnly ready, just now sure I was…! xx
Thank you! He did, I had a little cry…but only a little one ;-) xx
Beautiful post – I hope that the first day went well
I particularly like the analogy of weaving your apron strings into wings – how true but how hard
How lovely. My big girl starts tomorrow and I'm planning to write a post later – after I've ironed a billion labels into clothes – but I don't think it will come close to this one. I hope is day went really well.
How utterly lovely. But I'm crying all over my laptop.
Beautiful post.
Totally bowled over by this. What a wonderful post on such a special day x b is lucky?/ no, he's a sum of your parts and you're a wonderful mother x
Beautiful :)
Congratulations on your big day you two! Here's a rose for you Spud and here's an apple for you Bertie. Sweet dreams to you both.
That was really lovely, Spud, beautifully written as always. Now I feel extra guilty for saying to my seven-year-old yesterday, 'Look, school IS boring, but you just have to get through it.' Magical words he'll remember for ever.
[...] Chez Spud is a relatively new happy find for me. Thanks to the ubiquitous Twitter – and Tara’s gallery – I stumbled across Chez Spud following the usual meandering link-to-link-to-link coffee break. My attention grabbed by the beautiful photography, but was kept by the lovely writing – and I have been reading ever since. [...]
Tears here too, don't really know what to say, it's just perfect.
Love xxx
I am in tears, I too am going “there” on Monday with Mini. So eloquent, wonderful images. Just perfect
oh love it. love your words, love your pics, love your love! yesterday i was on a similar road (literally) driving my 'baby' ('tiny baby's' clothes way too big and not able to be fed because no foodpipe there to take milk in – 17 years ago) to the driver's licence test. really a strange feeling. unfortunately he failed because of one f….ing missing point. or maybe better (so far), who knows.
OH gosh I can't imagine my boys driving, that alarms me very much! Better luck for the next test though xxx
passes tissues and regulation extra cake…xx
That'll be you next year, I think? howl xx
Ha! I have more than enough of those moments…'it's a game, so you lost it? well get over it…' Nice…! x
Oh how lovely. I have a school starter this year (my third) and it was as hard this time as it was with my others. A lovely post, makes me feel terribly nostalgic for my little baby who is now such a little boy.
How absolutely wonderful, I have till next week before S starts, he is so very ready, I am so so not
[...] read some wonderful and moving back to school posts already this week (particularly at Battling On, Chez Spud and with especially lovely photos, Thinly Spread). So I rather than musing on how I might feel on a [...]
Oh gosh, this is just a beautiful post, thank you! xx
So so sweet! And lovely photos too :)
Oh my *eyes well up* what a gorgeous post both in words and photos. He is lovely no wonder you are so proud. I dread the day my little man leaves me for school but I only hope he has had a good basis with me too and he will make me proud.
Beautiful :)
What a lovely post, make sure you print it off and put in an envelope for him for one day in the future. That photo of him looking down is just stunning, I love your photos, just brill
oh my goodness. Just that. xxx
Simply stunning. x
He has such a bright, eager look on his face.
One day you will be so glad that you’ve captured this, and so many other, special moments.
This is a truly beautiful post — and one that all mothers will readily identify with, I think.
So how was the first week? Has school won him over?
made me cry again!!
Oh my! Such a lovely post! I don’t have kids, but I have my niece and nephew who’ve grown up so fast! Thank you for sharing this! :D
[...] do I even start to find the words for you on this, the eve of you starting school? A year ago I wrote to your brother on the same occasion, and the words came easily…tumbling out, fingers tripping over [...]