Chez Spud

Archive for April, 2011

Seeds of change

Posted under Gardening

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109 365 Sprouting

I can’t remember anything giving me as much simple pleasure as the morning dash to the greenhouse to see how our seeds are doing. The boys are very nurturing of their seeds (Bertie’s various tomato types shown here) and are diligent waterers. We first grew tomatoes a few years ago, in an effort to encourage Bertie to eat them. It worked, but alas the same experiment with cucumber failed. And nothing will ever persuade Diggy to eat a tomato [shades of Lola].

It’s been a fair amount of work reclaiming the rather neglected greenhouse. MrSpud has put in a LOT of hot, backbreaking work digging out the old soil and then wheelbarrowing endless amounts of lovely new stuff in. Then there’s all that planning and planting and watering and pricking out and weeding etc etc. Our garden is in a right old pickle but we’ve sorted out a small part of it so we can have fresh veg and fruit this year, and we’re loving being in the garden together and having a ‘group project’ to work on.

MrSpud is in charge of fruit and veg and I’m in charge of flowers.  We’re living up to our gender stereotypes but that’s ok. I’m growing various flowers from seed and – EXCITEMENT – they’ve started to sprout. MrSpud is really going for it…tomatoes, cucumber, spinach, salad leaves, various lettuce, melon, peppers, chillis, spuds, carrots, kale, sweetcorn, pumpkin, squash, peas, various beans, radish, beetroot, courgette etc etc. The rabbits can’t wait.

It’s about 33 years since I last grew anything from seed. I had a small garden as a child and, if I remember correctly, the last thing I grew from seed was a packet of those ‘mixed wild flowers for children’. It’s a puzzle to me why they need to be ‘for children’. What makes them child friendly? That they don’t mind being neglected…they grow fast…don’t mind tantrums?

Earlier in my growing career, when I was about 5 or so, I had a vegetable patch where I grew very fine runner beans and potatoes. One afternoon I found something hard and metallic in the ground whilst weeding. I diligently dug it out and then shouted to my Dad, ‘Look what I’ve found! What is it?’. My Dad didn’t look impressed, in fact he looked quite panicked and told me to stand still and not move, and to hold on tight to my treasure. He calmly walked over, took it from me and put it on the garden wall. And then he called the bomb squad out because what I’d found was a hand grenade, left over from the war. Happy days.

I’m hoping the Megaboy’s garden won’t be ‘quite’ so interesting in terms of historic finds. And that the thrill of watching flowers grow from seed will, for me, be every bit as intoxicating as it was all those years ago.

Watch this space.

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The Gallery…my blog

Posted under The Gallery

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Rare appearance of The Spud

‘My blog’…interesting prompt. What does my blog mean to me? I think it’s just a place where I hang out with friends and dump random stuff that it’s my head and then chat about it. I don’t really fit in to any specific category of blog…kind of parenting, kind of photography, kind of craft, kind of bookish…bit of this that and the other.

She’s a cruel mistress, blogging, and I fall in and out of love with her regularly. She beguiles you and tempts you, lures you in to her gang and gets you hooked … then she goes in for the kill and cuts off your mojo at the knees before you can ‘what the hell is a meme and how do I pronounce it anyway?’

Without blogging I wouldn’t have gone to Blog Camp three times and met so many inspiring and brilliant people. Without blogging I’d still be pouring out My Tales on Flickr and feeling like there had to be an outlet for all the words in my head. Without blogging the voices in my head would drown out the voice of reason more regularly than they already do. Without blogging I’d probably be a whole lot more productive…but then that depends on how you define ‘productive’ doesn’t it?

My blog is the place where I shared way too much with my 30 secrets in 30 days project. I honestly don’t think I would even consider such a project, I think I was a whole lot more daring 2 years ago than I am now. I can’t think of any reason why I would want to post photographs of myself looking like this

167 365 Secret 14 - I can't say the word 'burglar'

for that whole ‘I can’t say the word burglar‘ secret. Or this

175 365 Secret 22...I used to be biker

for ‘I used to be a biker‘…or, good lord, this one

162 365 Secret 9 - I speak Latin and Ancient Greek

…and the less said about this the better

171 365 Secret 18...I have no sea legs whatsoever

Where I summoned up the gall to walk around town wearing a blonde wig AND TOOK PHOTOS OF MYSELF TO PROVE IT is beyond me. I’d never do it now…

176 365 Secret 23...I have always wanted blonde, swishy hair

On my blog I recorded the highs and the lows. I fell in love with my son, head over heels, for the first time…I wrote a letter to my 5 year old boy on starting school, and I still can’t read it without weeping…I talked about friendship and what it means to me…I confessed a deep love for a politician that looks like Kermit … I endlessly poked fun at MrSpud…but then every now and again I put it out there that he means the moon the sun and the stars to me. …I recorded the dull minutiae of my  life…I asked for help and I got it…I ran a photography club and I just generally rambled on about stuff.

My Blog…Chez Spud…Spudballoo’s random witterings. That’s how it goes.

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Extreme Easter Crafting

Posted under Crochet

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108 365 Seasonal

There are no half measures with children, this much I know. You’re either doing something, or you’re not…and everything is to be done at 100mph and with 150% enthusiasm.

One minute I was vaguely mooting an Easter ‘tree’ to display various bits and pieces on…the next I was being frog marched around the garden searching out suitable branches and was gently trying to persuade the youngest of our number not to drag entire branches in to the house. They had to be talked out of ‘sticking the sticks together with parcel tape or I KNOW MUMMY what about blue tack?’ but would not be persuaded that ‘less is more’. Absolutely everything went on, with no time to lose, no time to add pretty ribbon to the crochet eggs..just ‘make a lassoo Mummy’ and shove them on.

Not content with eggs they then zipped about looking for other bits and pieces to go on. Tissue flowers made at school for Mother’s Day? Check, shove them on. Easter Chick and Easter Bonnet from nursery crafting? Check (phew, one of the few things not quietly shoved straight in the recycling bin). Then they found the other decorations and on they went too. Not seen (think it was on the floor) a kite that Bertie made at school. It’s in the Easter Tree because ‘kites get stuck in trees’ which is hard to argue with.

I think the whole thing took 20 minutes, if that. They were like crafting dervishes, whirling around in a spin of creativity. I wish I could be more like that, more impulsive. I don’t absolutely love what we came up with, but it was a joint effort and – apparently – it’s not just about me. Sheesh.

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Able by the abilities you have

Posted under Witterings

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90 something I've lost track 365 Afternoon Delight

“You’re not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have”…the personal motto of South African paralympic runner Oscar Pistorius. What an interesting stance. I knew nothing of him until yesterday when Bertie was reading a book about the Olympics which had a picture of him in it. What was so interesting to me was how long it took Bertie to spot his prosthetic lower legs, he was completely oblivious to them. I asked him what was different about the man in the photo, ‘He’s not winning?’ he said. Eventually he spotted that his lower legs were different, but wasn’t much interested in hearing about the “Blade Runner” and how he’s competed in ‘able bodied’ races because he can run so extraordinarily well.

In truth, whilst he understands what it means to be disabled, I don’t think he has any appreciation of what it actually means. Like most children he’s much more accepting and tolerant of people who are different than him. When does that change I wonder? Or have we moved on enough in terms of equality for all that he’ll continue not to differentiate? There is a child in his class with special needs. On her first day Bertie told me about her and what her problems are. “And?” I said, gearing up for the ‘we’re all different’ talk, “And that’s the end of the story” he replied. Just as it should be.

I shouldn’t be phased by the disability/able bodied issues. My mother taught at a school for what was called ‘handicapped children’ for 20 years. Very un PC these days. The school doesn’t exist anymore, no longer needed with the move to integration in to mainstream school for children with special needs. And she was ‘disabled’ herself, crippled with arthritis from her early 20s.

I think its the terminology that I struggle with. ‘Able bodied’…what does that really mean? I don’t think many of us are truly ‘able bodied’…seems like everyone has got a dodgy back, clicky knees, a touch of arthritis here and there, weird pains from old injuries that niggle…we’re all working around our own physical issues and limitations, to a greater or lesser degree. ‘Normal’ is all wrong of course, since no one is. I couldn’t even explain what it is about the Paralympics that makes it something significant and special without drifting in to being patronising. The bottom line is that all Olympians (both Paralympians and the other sort that I can’t and won’t classify) are outstanding athletes. Full stop.

“You are able by the abilities that you have”. Such a neat turn of phrase, so spare and elegant. A motto for not just for sport but for life if ever I saw one…revealed to me thanks to a child’s reading book.

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Silently screaming

Posted under parenting

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107 365 Beachlife

Sun, sand, sea, seaside, shorts, Spring…what perfect weather, what a perfect few hours just poodling about on the beach. The boys played, me and MrSpud read the paper and did that old ‘how times change’ because last year we couldn’t take our eyes off those Megaboys in case they drowned/got in to mischief. There was coffee, and cake. And a trip on the ferry to buy fresh fish. Pretty idyllic by anyone’s standards.

But OH the moaning we had to put up with getting out of the house. One of our boys is being rather, how shall I say…’testing’ at the moment. Today’s ‘test’ involved a major whinge about going to the beach because we’d already been to the beach once this week. I should add that they were different beaches, not that it’s particularly relevant because SHUT UP…do these children not know how fortunate they are to live within an easy drive of a dozen gorgeous beaches? I am heartily sick of being ‘tested’ on a daily basis and have employed every strategy I know to tackle some of the issues.

I feel ground down. I know it’s normal boundary testing, I know it will pass, I know ignoring is the best strategy for most of the low grade ‘testing’. But I feel like giving him a good shake. Moaning about going to the beach because it’s boring? Yeah, looks really boring from that photo doesn’t it?

Not seen. Me. Silently screaming.

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Just one word(le)

Posted under Crochet, Cycling

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105 365 Loose ends

It’s fair to say that creativity has been in short supply around here in recent weeks. Work has been difficult, all consuming and anxious making…that kind of low grade, constant anxiety has been worming its way in to my head, pushing out all thoughts of anything creative or expressive. My camera is still broken and I’m really missing it, although I have a loan camera. It’s just not the same. So the the Photo A Day went off track. Blogging? Nothing to say and no photos for prompts. Crochet? Well, I’ve done a little but with little enthusiasm. Reading? I inched my way through The Book Thief and loved it, but ‘inched’ is the key word here. I’ve managed to keep up with the 30daysofbiking project, but that’s about it. I signed up to write a book, but I can’t see that happening any time soon.

As with all such things, the less I did…the less I wanted to do…and the more difficult it seemed to get back on track. Equally, the less I did the more miserable I felt about it. But how do you dig yourself out of the swamp of apathy?

Just one wordle, that’s all it took. I can’t show you it, because it wasn’t my Wordle – it was belonged to my client. I could barely believe my eyes when she produced it because I work with lawyers who, let’s face it, aren’t renowned for creativity. Lawyers are, intrinsically, risk managers…risk managers using the law and the legal framework as comfort blankets. Change is difficult for many lawyers, and marketing and promotion are uncomfortable concepts for most. So when my client produced a Wordle of various promotional literature she’d written about her area of expertise I couldn’t have been more surprised. She was wanting to try and get the nub of what her practice is about, to help shape and define how she wants to promote herself. Essentially she was using a Wordle as a tool to help define a brand proposition to be used to help differentiate her practice in the market. But that’s just fancy marketing speak.

I’ve only ever come across Wordles in the blogosphere before, but how short-sighted of me. It honestly wouldn’t have occurred to me to use Wordles at work, mostly because lawyers are so straightlaced about such things. And then, out of nowhere, in breezed a new lawyer with fresh ideas and buckets of creativity. And in that moment, the Creative Switched flicked on in my head again. Later the same day I was asked (again by lawyers) for some ‘splashy’ campaign ideas. I chucked a few around, and no one fainted/laughed/looked appalled. Actually they were very open to them. There must be something in the Spring air.

So I’ve sorted my photos, finished a crochet project, and here I am blogging….tidying up the loose ends. That’s what they are above, the loose ends from the crochet project, a blanket for my aunt’s birthday.

106 365 Complete

I learnt a lesson from that project, which is that it’s never fun to work with colours you don’t really like. It was a ‘stash buster’ project, to use up some yarn. What a joke the ‘stash buster’ term is…you always, always need more wool to finish to a ‘stash buster’ project, so what’s the point? I’ve spent months and months making a blanket I’m really not that keen. An energy and creativity sapper if ever I saw one. There’s little pleasure to be had making something you don’t love.

Endless

Just for fun, I Wordled my blog again.

Untitled

‘Mother’…’Love’…’Think’…seem to be the dominant words. I like that.

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The Gallery…Mother Love

Posted under The Gallery

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DSC02365
I write about this a lot, mother love. Hard to avoid really since I am a mother, and had a mother whose absence is more keenly felt with every day that passes. I didn’t think I had much more to say on the topic but, never one to be lost for words, it seems I have. I didn’t think I had ‘the’ picture to go with this post, and then I stumbled upon this one…taken when Diggy had just turned one and I was coming out of the fog of that awful first year with him…when I was falling in love with him and I think you can see it in this picture. I have no recollection of it being taken, it was taken at my Dad’s when we were staying with him. That’s his crazy dog lolloping around to the right.

Last week I found myself explaining to Bertie (5) what the role of a parent is, “My job is to love you forever and keep you safe”. I’d given no thought to what I was saying as it was one of those conversations that came at me out of nowhere. For a week or so I’ve chewed it over and, more or less, I think I hit the nail on the head in terms of how I define my role as a mother…to love my children and to keep them safe. It would be easy to spin off and add all kinds of fancy bits…”to support you to achieve your ambitions”… “to help you fulfil your potential” blah blah. But that’s just a load of crappy management speak to be honest, right up there with “blue sky thinking” and all that toe curling nonsense.

In the end, it boils down to love. Ideally I would love to take responsibility for keeping my children safe but, realistically, I’m not with them 24/7 even now…never mind when they are grown up and gone. But loving them forever, and making them feel that love? I can do that. I can do that with bells on.

It’s been 12 years since my mother died and I feel as loved now as I ever did. Her love for me didn’t die with her, I feel seeped and bathed in her quiet but all encompassing love for me. She gave me enough of her love when she was alive to last me all the days of my life. I want the same for my boys. If I could give them anything in the world it would be the power and comfort that comes from knowing and feeling that they will be loved, unconditionally, forever. Because, in the end, it’s all about love. Actually.

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Banking a musical memory

Posted under Witterings

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Pentax_0010.jpg

I’m just banking a memory here. You can read it if you like, but I’m writing this for me more than I ever usually do. It’s a memory that was lost to me, but was returned due to a little chitter chatter with Mocha Beanie Mummy on Twitter. As you do.

Turns out we both studied music as the same places, but not at the same time as she is (rather unkindly I thought) somewhat younger than me. I hate that. She’s a cellist. I’m a flautist and a singer. I’m assuming we’re both pianists too since ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ might be) don’t let you read music unless you can play the piano. Even thought some of us play it shocking badly…alas I mean me.

What Mocha Beanie Mummy reminded me about, a memory long forgotten, is that I used to study at the Royal Northern College of Music as a teenager. Having been spotted at a local music competition by a professor at the RNCM I would travel from the south of England up to Manchester for my lessons, with the Professor of Flute. Seems kind of mad now I think about it. From the age of 13 until I was 18, every 2 weeks, I’d get on a train from my home town and trundle all the way up north. Always alone. Often changing at Birmingham (argh, so busy) or Crewe (hardly any better). And my grandfather would meet me at the station and take me in to Manchester, a 45 minute drive, for a 1 hour music lesson. Then I’d stay with him and my Nana overnight and I’d trundle all the way home again the next day.

What a huge commitment for everyone involved. It’s was a huge financial stretch for my parents to find the money for the lesson never mind the train fare. But it was generally deemed to be “worth it” because I was training to become a professional musician and I was under the tutelage of the country’s leading flute teacher. Hmmmm….somehow I changed my mind about becoming a musician later in life but I’m sure my parents forgave me…right?

But the memory I’m banking isn’t about the lessons or the train journey or the career I might have had. It’s about my grandfather, my lovely grandad. This is the only photo I had to hand which is, I think, taken in the late 80 in the garden of the house I grew up in. That’s my mother next to him, his daughter in law. I think we are about the same age in that photo. We are alarmingly alike.

My grandad was many, wonderful things but a good driver he was not. You pretty much took your life in your hands every time you got in a car with him. Swerving was a particular skill of his. “Mind that car Bert!”, came the constraint refrain from my Nana (a non driver) every time she braved the passenger seat.

For years he’d ferry me from Runcorn station to the darkest part of Manchester, Moss Side, where the RNCM happened to be situated. He’d deposit me in the ‘woodwind building’ and then he’d make his way to the student cafe, with his copy of the Liverpool Echo. I’d assumed he’d sat and read his paper and drank his tea (one sugar, just like me…I went off it for a while and he was devastated…he said I’d let the side down) until it was time to collect me, time to weave our way home . I was quite wrong. He actually always, always spent the hour chatting to the students. Yes, my Grandad (in his 70s/80s) spent an hour in the cafe talking to the 18-21yo students and was always full of stories and colour and the details of their lives. I was slightly embarrassed, of course, because I was a teenager and that was my default position.

But even as a teen I knew my Grandad had a special gift. He could talk to anyone because he was interested in everyone. And I know, without a doubt, that those 18-21 year olds in the student cafe didn’t laugh at my Grandad…they didn’t snigger or roll their eyes…because he was charming and interesting, kind and thoughtful…and he listened in a way that no one I’ve ever known could do. He wasn’t hugely educated or smart or well read or all that stuff, he was a farm labourer all his working life. He never showed off, never tried to prove anything or get one over by putting someone down.

All he ever did was see the best in everyone, all he wanted was for us all to do our best and be happy. In the quietest, most understated way, he absolutely exuded this…a kind of addiction to seeing the best in everyone…a true fascination in the story that each of us has within us. Even the 18,19,20, 21 year old students sitting in poorly lit cafe in a dodgy part of a run down city.

He died 18 months ago and when I think of him I think about his quietness, thoughtfulness, his old-fashioned gentlemanly approach to life and his curiosity to learn and know about things. And, now, I add to my memories the vision of him sitting in the cafe, Liverpool Echo spread before him, cup of sweet tea and a bun to hand, flat cap on the chair beside him….and a couple of a young men and women chatting to him, hopefully appreciating how their lives were being touched.

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