Chez Spud

You know that thing…that saying…that you shouldn’t pull at one loose end because if you do the whole lot might unravel? Yes, that.

When we moved in to the Money Pit House in January we couldn’t find the septic tank. For those lucky people on mains sewage, the septic tank is the big ol’ tank under ground somewhere in your garden that collects all your waste water. Yup, including dirty water. ‘Septic tank’…the clue is in the title. Every now and then the ‘Poo Man’, as the Megaboys call him, comes along with his tanker and empties it. The stench is horrendous. Some things about country living are Not Good. And the curse of the septic tank is one of them. Especially when you can’t find the damn thing to establish what condition its in, whether it needs emptying or not etc.

So, I engaged Alec the Drains Wizard to come along and find the septic tank with his CCTV. Actually he found the tank in about 10 minutes by just following the line of the inspection chambers and stamping around a lot where the next natural place would be [oops, could have done that ourselves]. So then he ‘surveyed the drains’ as part of the package I’d paid for  which I was very ‘yeah OK if you have to’ about.

Turns out our drains are in pretty good condition for a house that’s nearly 80 years old and that, like most things with this place, they were done to the highest standard and with great thought and care. We needed a bit of remedial work, where roots have grown through a few drainpipes but nothing ‘too’ significant. Or so we thought…

…and then Alec the Drainman started work and the area he couldn’t properly survey due to huge root growth turned out to be a nightmare. In short, we’ve ended up having to re-do all the drains. We’re at the end of Week 3 of drilling, digging, pipe laying etc etc. It is costing more £££ than I care to think about.

And it doesn’t even end there. Some down pipes have roots growing up them and have had to be replaced. Then I had a ‘few’ small plumbing jobs in the house which ended up revealing that our cold water tank (which stores water for the Megaboys’ bathroom bath/sink) is absolutely disgusting i.e. that bathroom is now out of action until the new heating system goes in in July which will bypass the hideous Tank of Doom in the attic. Sorting out the Dripping Toilet and the Singing Toilet (don’t ask) revealed that the stop cock (which turns the water off to the house) doesn’t really work properly. And that we don’t know where the stop cock to the mains water from the street is, which we need to find so we can turn it off to replace the stop cock to the house. We spent an hour using a metal detector trying to find it today but it’s lost under years of roadside detritus. The water company are coming out. It’s turning in to a Whole Big Thing.

It started with finding with the septic tank. That led to a ‘quick look’ at the drains. Now all the drains are being replaced. That led to a ‘quick plumbing job’. That led to the water company having to come out to find the stop cock on the road which I just KNOW is going to involve finding 80 year old plans or having a new stop cock fitted.

You see, you should never pull that thread. We still haven’t had the septic tank emptied. Turned out it’s in fantastic condition even though it’s probably not been emptied for 10-15 years or so. We have the ‘perfect’ microbe balance apparently.

I am blogging about poo by the way. It’s dressed up as loose threads. But it’s really about poo. That’s how low I have sunk. Literally.

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