Oh my boy, sweet boy of mine. Where do I even start to find the words for you on this, the eve of you starting school? A year ago I wrote to your brother on the same occasion, and the words came easily…tumbling out, fingers tripping over themselves on the keyboard to get the eager, giddy emotion of it all down for posterity. But not tonight. Tonight it’s quieter and more measured because I’m much more reluctant to let you go than I was Bertie. Not because you’re not ready and certainly not because I love you more…it’s just because you’re my baby. There it is, pure and simple, you’re my baby and always will be. Stay home and play awhile longer, won’t you?
“I’m so excited to go to school, Mummy”, you said to me tonight, “because I’ll be with Bertie again”. And there it is, the nub of it … we’ve pottered through the last 12 months with you boys being apart during the day but, in the end, you both want to be together. How I hope your closeness is a gift that will stay with you all the days of your lives. When you weren’t at nursery we muddled along together without MrB but by lunchtime you’d be asking, “When is it going to be time to get Bertie?”. Â I’m no measure for Bertie as a playmate and companion, and I couldn’t be more pleased that you’ll be back together again at school.
What joy you have brought to all our lives! I could not imagine our lives without you, although we never planned a sibling for Bertie. “No sense of consequence”, that’s what your late grandfather used to say about you as your hurtled towards certain injury, all the while screaming for joy. How true that is when I think of your entrance in to our family. We didn’t plan another baby, frankly we didn’t WANT another baby for various reasons…but in you breezed with your white blonde locks and ocean blue eyes and we were smitten. In you skipped with your big personality, your funny little ways, your ‘all or nothing’ approach to absolutely everything. You challenged us, at times you pushed us to the edge with your seemingly non-stop screaming and tantrums. But then the clouds of fury would clear, you’d smile that charming smile of yours and we’d fall in love with you all over again.
“He’s good value is Mr Diggy”, this has been my refrain for the past 4 years. It’s all or nothing with you; there’s no half measures, far from it…if you’re doing it…you’re DOING IT…generally at 150%. You exhaust, infuriate, charm and delight me in equal measures. Your stubbornness and wilfulness is surpassed only by my own and, at times, living with you makes me respect your father even more for putting up with me.
Everywhere I go people stop me in the street, in cafes, in shops to tell me how beautiful you are. And you are. You are extraordinarily beautiful to look at but, hand on heart, it took me a while to see your beautiful spirit. In the beginning it felt too hard to have two very young children, it took a bit of mental rearranging to make sense of it all. I loved you right from the moment you were thrust in to my arms, deeply and passionately. But I didn’t fall in love with you until later and, when I did, oh I fell hard. Really hard. Even now, even when you are testing me to my limits and I’m furious … even now you have the power to disarm me with your sweet smile and good heart. Â You can put your arms around me, clutch me tight and whisper, in all sincerity, “I’m sorry Mummy” and I’m in your thrall. All over again.
So, be well my boy. Love school. Make friends. Learn well and eagerly. You’re so ready for it, you already read absolutely beautifully and I’m so proud of you for doing so. Â You’re quick with numbers and have, in the words of the Elephant’s Child, ‘satiable curiosity’ and that’s all you need. I said these words to Bertie last year and I’ll say them again because I can’t say them any better:
“To my boy on starting school, I give you this….courage to know who you are and defend it to the end…vision to know who your friends are because, in the end, they will mean more than you can ever imagine…steeliness of spirit to fight through the worst of it…energy to make the most of every opportunity that comes your way…inquisitiveness which is the foundation of learning and patience enough to deal with the inevitable frustrations along the way”.
Rather more unwillingly than I was last year, I am unravelling my apron strings and weaving them in to wings. Wings to set you free with. But come back won’t you?
Love from Mummy xxx
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