When I say ‘cheated’, I prefer to think of it as ‘improvised’ although deep down I know that it was cheating. Tut tut, tush and fie.
About a million years ago I read music at university. During our first year we had to do a number of tedious, compulsory ‘modules’ such as composing, conducting, orchestration and tape composition (more of which later). What an utter chore. All I was interested in was singing, playing the flute, floating around campus in my Laura Ashley skirts and hanging out in the medics bar.
Anyway I muddled my way through it reasonably well, but tape composition got the better of me. i just didn’t get it. Mainly it involved recording sounds like a door shutting, one beat of a drum, a dripping tap, a first year music student slipping silently in to a catatonic state through sheer boredom etc, on tape and then manipulating the sounds in to something vaguely toe tapping. Well what’s the point of that? Why not just pop on an LP (CDs very much in their infancy in those days) and listen to that instead?
I just couldn’t get my head around what I was supposed to be doing, and the studio terrified me…full of reels of tape, scalpels for cutting it,weirdy beardy sweaty ‘studio’ guys and scary signs ‘DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TURN OFF THE STUDIO WITHOUT TURNING THE SPEAKERS OFF FIRST OTHERWISE YOU WILL BLOW THEM’.
As the year rolled on it became apparent that I was totally incapable of putting together the 3 minute composition required of me for the end of year assessment. So I panicked, and then I improvised.
I dug around in the studio bin and found a length of disgarded tape, someone else’s rejected work. I then recorded it backwards (cunning), sampled various bits, shoved those in, speeded up some bits and with a flourish of brilliance, added in my own ending. Job done. A 3 minute masterpiece of which approximately 10 seconds was all my own worn. Roll over Beethoven.
If I could have cheated in my Keyboard Harmony exam the following year I would have done. I finished ‘playing’ (think, plinky plonk, plinky plonk), got up from the piano and turned round to find all 3 examiners with their heads in their hands. I failed. Spectacularly.
Well, what goes around comes around.
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Happy Birthday to ME
